


The Round starts in..

by TyrantQueen



Series: Look out! [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: (mostly) no beta we die like men, BLU (Team Fortress 2), Disassociation, F/M, Gen, Man I don't know how tags work I never write on AO3, Mercenaries, Mild Gore, Slow Burn, Tenth Class (Team Fortress 2), Trauma, War, iatrophobia, it do be like that, mature language (curse words)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyrantQueen/pseuds/TyrantQueen
Summary: War was always home to you.But now you're here, in the middle of a desert, realizing every day you're further away from home than you'd ever have been.You are their Lookout, there to keep an eye out and watch their backs to keep them safe.But is that really as easy as everyone makes it out to be? Or is it more than you'd bargained for?--This is the "common" route for a bunch of x readers I'm planning on doing. Like an extended prologue! This is mostly so I don't have to think of multiple beginnings to stories set in the same area at the same time with the same class. I hope you'll enjoy! Currently I have tagged planned routes, so keep an eye out ;-).
Relationships: Engineer (Team Fortress 2)/You, Medic (Team Fortress 2)/You, Scout (Team Fortress 2)/You, Sniper (Team Fortress 2)/You, Spy (Team Fortress 2)/You
Series: Look out! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804717
Comments: 36
Kudos: 94





	1. Ten

Chapt 1

Dustbowl.

It was a place you knew vaguely, only granted the knowledge of what it looked like and how the weather was. But it was a place of importance, well, temporarily, at least. A few days ago, you’d signed a contract with a certain Mann Co. to work as a missionary for their internal war. It pays well, is what you convinced yourself with. Fighting wars was what you were used to, anyway. It’s only for the best that you’d get good money for it as well.

Yet the weight of your decision was starting to weigh heavy on your shoulders. Regret pooled in your stomach, like an obnoxious mole rooting up a garden. You weren’t sure why you’d even accepted the job in the first place- there was no desperation, no hidden journey you wanted to go on. It was as if something had called you to say yes. A little button pressed in your brain that told you that this was a good idea, but the button was pressed by a monkey and it just passed away to leave the aftermath for human you to deal with.

Rolling fields of desert stretched out before you, barely visible through the dust-covered glass. The air was thick, dry, much to your own discomfort. The air conditioning did little to alleviate the heat, and there wasn’t much you could distract yourself with to make the seemingly endless car ride any more fun. You glanced at your driver, who you had gotten familiar with over the job interview. 

Her name was Pauling, though you were uncertain what her first name was. She was pretty, petite, but something about her small form seemed dangerous. The lowering sun reflected hard in her glasses, but she seemed unbothered. Not that that was much of a surprise, though. It’s been a long, straight road for the past two hours. You turned your gaze away before she caught you looking, instead staring out of the window once more. You weren’t much of a chatter, and apparently, neither was she. Now you just had to wonder if perhaps you should speak more, then you might not be as bored.

Your thoughts wandered off again as you looked out at the dull scenery, a thick sigh escaping. You wondered as to what your employers were expecting of you; after all, you were a woman. Subconsciously you clicked your tongue. That wasn’t very feminist of you. But it was something to think about, after all, you were working at Mann Co., that name alone would set off an alarm bell for someone like you to work in.

Then again, they had Pauling as well, along with another woman you were yet to be acquainted with. You touched your eye without thinking, feeling a pit of doubt in your stomach. You supposed maybe they chose to hire you for your technical advances? But you didn’t know if you could replicate what you did for yourself to others. Hell, you were no doctor, you’d almost died before. You were at most a shabby excuse of an engineer. Did they expect you to make everyone into some sort of mechanical hybrid, set to rule the earth? You buried the thought. If they’d tried to force you, you’d just leave.

There was still some sense of nervousness that weighed upon your shoulders as you gazed out the window with a bit of a solemn look. After all, you would be put in a new environment, with people you’ve never met before. You were starting to feel guilt for your hesitation. You were never that good with people, but they couldn’t be that bad, right? You were sure that some of your teammates might prove to be good souls, but the chance that there wasn’t.. It bothered you.

A small bump in the road shook you from your thoughts as you whipped your head around to look outside. A building you hadn’t noticed before crept closer in view. You glanced back at Miss Pauling, seeing the shade of the sun visor barely cover her eyes as she looked back at you. “I wasn’t sure if you were awake or not,” she mused, holding eye contact for a heartbeat before glancing back at the road, making a swift turn right to a smaller off-beat path. You nodded solemnly, grabbing the bag you’d set between your feet as you listened to the gravel crunch beneath the truck’s tires. 

“I was,” you paused, hesitating for a second, before sitting back up “Are the others er.. Aware, that I’m going to be here?” you asked her, and she shrugged 

“I told them about the new rank, and I gave the medic your personal file, so I suppose they’d know everything they need to know.”

You nodded quietly, watching her make a sharp turn to park before shutting the engine off, the car prattling for a few more seconds before the rumble silenced. It was eerily silent when you clicked open the door, sliding it back for easy access. In an instant, the sun made itself known, burning upon the top of your head as you stepped out of the car, slinging the rucksack over your shoulder. You were glad that at least you didn’t have to sleep outside, especially not in this kind of heat. For a second, you felt lucky that it was nearing dusk, before you realized that your day-to-day life would be much, much worse than this. You held back a groan of despair, scratching the back of your neck to get the horrible crawl of dry air against sweaty skin out of your system as you glanced around, trying to take in your surroundings. You couldn’t see much past the building before you, which you by now had to assume was your bunker, but around it was nothing but a wasteland. So.. You’re in the middle of nowhere, practically stranded, taking the job of a mercenary.. And this is supposed to be okay? Pay’s great but fuck dude, what the hell did you get yourself into?

Miss Pauling joined at your side, giving you a knowing glance from the corner of her eyes before walking past you. “You should get to know the others before dinner, they might be less hard on you if you’re not late,” She spoke in a teasing tone, snapping me out of my regretful trance as you trudged behind her. 

“Er.. Miss Pauling..” you mumbled, following the shorter woman to the door. She turned her head towards you, a curious gleam in her eyes as you struggled to find words. “There was- Did they bring all of my items to the base already?” You quickly spoke. For a second, you thought that she was going to laugh at your behaviour, but she curtly nodded instead. 

“Yes, of course.” You held back a quiet sigh of relief at her words, scratching the back of your head as you stepped inside.

The cool air immediately sent goosebumps over your skin, and you froze, hit by what first felt like ice. It was luckily just the giant air conditioner whirring overhead, which you took a moment to thank Jesus and all that is holy for. If it was always that hot everywhere, well, fuck that. You followed her down the hallway, past what felt like a million doorways before she stopped, peeking her head into a doorless door frame as she seemed to be looking for something. And then, she walked right in, not bothering to check behind if you were following or not. You caught sight of people inside through the reinforced glass separating you from the room, and after a moment of hesitation, you followed her inside, tucking your thumbs into your front pockets to appear more relaxed. 

And then in a second, the dormant anxiety reared up like a flame. Several people were already seated at a long rectangular table, chatting casually amongst themselves. All.. male, definitely. One man was seated on a couch that rested at the back of the room, seemingly taking a nap as his hat was tilted downwards. “Oh, miss Pauling!” A younger man who sat at the table jumped up, his hand half in the air in a greeting as he smiled at the woman. He took a few steps forward, before stopping promptly, his gaze snapping towards you with an unfamiliar hostility. It almost felt like you were entering a household with a particularly nasty chihuahua that decided you were it’s nemesis for looking at it too long. 

On instinct, you took the hands out of your pockets, any feigned relaxation immediately gone as you stood up straight, staring right back at him. “Who are you?” He seemingly attempted to size up, lifting his chin. You paused for a second, opening your mouth before closing it again, the nervousness that pricked your skin spiking even harder. Didn’t Pauling say she’d warned them before? Aforementioned Pauling motioned vaguely towards you, giving a small smile as if he wasn’t staring you down like a piece of prey. 

“This is the new mercenary I told you all about, the Lookout.” The Lookout, it was a name you hadn’t heard in months, yet the familiarity of it did not give you any reassurance. You gave a quick downwards nod, not being able to break eye-contact with the hostile mercenary before you.

“Yes.. I’m uh, going to hang out around here, I think.” You weren’t sure what to say, you hadn’t expected the first person you met to be.. Unfriendly? What had you expected to begin with? You were treading into unfamiliar ground, a situation you didn’t have much experience with, what did you expect?

The boy snorted, before straightening his back “I’m the Scout, I’m kind of a big deal around here.” He sneered, crossing his arms without shame of what he said. A sense of annoyance bit at the back of your tongue, crossing sharply with your nerves. This kid.. What kind of attitude was this? You made a mental note not to cross him too many times. Not because he scared you; but because you knew that if you did you’d have the unstoppable urge to beat him into a pulp at some point. 

You nodded, trying to offer a small smile “Well it’s nice to-” Before your sentence came out of your mouth, he turned around, walking back over to his table. Sheer disbelief overwhelmed your system as you watched him go, and you had to bite your tongue not to say anything in the moment. Your eyes wandered from the Scout to realize that the other mercenaries were looking at you, and every emotion washed away to go on a total social lockdown. You shoved your hands in your back pockets, immediately looking at Pauling for help. To your utmost delight, she took the cue, giving you a downwards nod as she motioned towards the others.

“Would you all introduce yourselves?” She asked, as you followed her gaze. There was a moment of silence, where no one seemed to want to make the start, before a smaller, stouter man seemed to take the lead. 

“I’m the Engineer,” He introduced himself in a thick accent, his voice rolling into the air like honey with texture. “I do all the mechanical work ‘round here, that there’s Pyro. He’s skilled in pyrotechnics.” He pointed at another person. Pyro waved his both of his hands in glee, yelling something in muffled jargon before clapping. There was a pause, before the Engineer declared a soft “He says it’s nice t’ meet ya.” You nodded, biting the inside of your cheek as you carefully held up one hand in greeting. At least it seemed like this Engineer guy wasn’t as much of a hassle as Scout was, which was undoubtedly the relief you needed to relax just a little.

Your eyes wandered through the room to look around, to which you suddenly realized that the guy relaxing on the couch had since left. The engineer seemed to follow your gaze, a look of confusion drawing onto his expression. “Now where’d Sniper go?” he mumbled, probably mostly to himself, before giving a shrug as he looked back at you “We’ve gotten a few more people on our team, I assure ya.” 

“Where’s the rest of the team?” Miss Pauling quickly asked, looking around the room as if they were hiding.

“Well, I know Soldier and Demo are out doin’ some jump trainin’, but the rest just skedaddled once they heard we didn’t get dinner yet,” Engineer answered, giving a faint shrug before turning to you “I think it’s best if you get yourself settled into yer room first, you’ve had a long car ride, right?” You nodded, looking over at Miss Pauling as she sighed.

“Alright, Lookout, come with me,” she spoke resolutely, raising her hand in a goodbye to the mercenaries before going back to where you came from. You followed her close behind, throwing one look over your shoulder before concentrating on where you were going. She turned right, walking down the hallway before stopping at the second-to-last door, motioning at it. “This’ll be your room from now on.” You noticed a plaque of a symbol hanging right in the middle, and you quickly realized that that was your class icon engraved into it. She opened the door before you could say anything further, and ushered you inside.

You stepped into the room, before turning around to see her stop in the doorway. “Well, we’ll talk later regarding some contracts. I have to go now.” 

“Oh, you’re leaving?” the question tumbled out before you thought about what you said, and you cringed internally. Yeah, obviously. She nodded, turning her head to look down the hallway before looking back at you. 

“Yeah, you’ll be fine from here on out. Just make sure to show up when they call for dinner, and don’t forget to unpack. The others can take it from here.” She spoke, starting to step away from the door. 

“Ah okay, goodbye Miss Pauling.” She closed the door after you finished your sentence, leaving you completely alone.

And there you stood, in the middle of your new room, completely alone. A strange, cold feeling crashed onto you as you looked around. It was a mixture of excitement, nerves, distraughtness, and hopelessness, all forming into a disgusting emotional soup in your gut. Well, at least dinner was something to look forward to.

Or to fear.

You hadn’t decided yet.


	2. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner time! Which mercs will you meet today?

You were laying on your bed, your gaze to the ceiling as you watched the colours start to turn a cooler shade. The evening was approaching, and all you’d done since arriving was lie down and think about absolutely nothing. It was for the better, really, there was no need to get worked up over nothing. You let out a sigh, sitting up as you glanced at the two crates that sat next to your nightstand, taunting you with the thought of what could be inside. Well, at least for one of them you knew, since that would be your belongings that you’d shipped off, but the other..

You were promised your own arsenal of weapons. You had given some recommendations as to what you could work with, but you still had to wonder what they could’ve possibly picked out to best fit your style of fighting. You stepped off the bed, walking towards the crate with new piqued interest as you lifted the lid off and peered inside. Your brows furrowed, a sense of confusion washing over with the weapon choice before you realized there was a note on the other side of the lid. You began to read.

‘Dear Lookout,

We hope your weapons have arrived in mint condition, if not you may inquire Miss Pauling to supply you new ones. In your current bundle, we have included:

\- 1x 9 mm Parabellum MP5 Submachine gun  
\- 3x Non-Toxic White M18 Smoke Grenade  
\- 1x Straightstick Baton  
\- 1x Eye module upgrade v2.0.8  
\- 1x RED Lookout Uniform

Your weapons have been specially chosen for you to act as a support class. Your main task is to watch for spies and alert teammates of approaching enemies. Teamwork is key to everyone’s survival, and it is your duty to uphold it. Your previous employers have also included an upgrade to your current eye to ensure you are synced up to your team and have the ability to watch them, this will work similarly as you had in your previous workplace. We suggest you hand this over to your team’s Medic to have it installed.

This is your current load-out, you can request new weaponry from the Mann Co. store at your own cost.

We hope to see good results from you,  
Mann Co.’

You placed the lid beside you with a thud, digging into the crate as you attempted to retrieve everything they had mentioned. First, you’d found the SMG. It felt relatively light- this wasn’t a model you’d used before. Perhaps it was something new? You ran your hand tentatively along its barrel, letting out a low hum as you inspected it. There was a three part switch, one for safety, one for semi-automatic, and one for automatic. You made a mental note to ask around for a shooting rage so you could test it out later as you placed the gun beside you, reaching into the crate once more to retrieve your next weapon.

You immediately took hold of the aforementioned baton, placing it beside you with a heavy thud. You paused for a second, giving it another glance as a frown pulled on your face. Why the hell did they give you a baton? You’d think that maybe a knife or something similar would be a better pick, but a baton? You let out a quiet snort, shaking your head slowly. Perhaps the range could be of use somehow, but still.. You continued your search.

You retrieved a tan, unmarked box, and with a slight shake you realized that these must be the grenades. You more carefully set them on the nightstand, giving a suspicious glance. Why smoke grenades? What would that even do to help? Real grenades would’ve been much better, but then again, you did get a baton. Perhaps all the other classes had strange weaponry like this?

You continued searching the crate, suddenly finding a plastic sheen covering something red under the bits of styrofoam. You pulled out the plastic bag, before noticing your class emblem studded on it. Ah, the uniform. Greedily tearing the package open, you retrieved a red polo, dark brown pants with a holster on them, a belt, a pair of red-edged goggles, binoculars, and a belt. You looked it over blankly, before grimacing. It felt very similar to what you used to wear, except bright red. How were you supposed to hide when your clothing is so colourful? With a shake of your head, you put it to the side on a neat pile. You’d have to look it all through later.

Finally, after much rummaging you found the upgrade part. Kept safe in a small metal box, you pocketed it. It’s best not to toy with it too much, you couldn’t risk getting it damaged in any way. You hoped that the medic had at least a little experience in implementing something robotic, because you weren’t doing it again.

As if on cue, you heard a voice yell that dinner was ready through the building, although you were very certain it wasn’t from the intercom. Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself to meet other people. You felt a bit calmer than before- but not much. You squared your shoulders, then left your room, making sure to lock the door behind you.

You slowly made your way down the hall, every step feeling heavier as you glanced through the glass. With a sigh of relief, you realized that there were only two people you hadn’t seen before that had joined Engineer, Pyro, and Scout. There was one man with a helmet pulled over his eyes standing in the middle of the room, and one very large bald man sitting next to the head of the table. Mentally preparing yourself, you walked in, a nervous smile on your face. “Hello-”

The helmet-man reacted immediately, seemingly spinning on his heel as he turned to look at you. “Who are YOU?” You didn’t expect him to speak that loudly and in such a commanding tone, and in instinct you stood up straight, violently fighting the urge to put your hand against your head

“Lookout, sir!” You mentally cringed at the formal wording, but stared straight at him, realizing his attire was one that seemed like it belonged in a military.

“So this is the Lookout, heh?” his voice rasped slightly as he took a step forward, seemingly looking you up and down before standing up straight. “Well I am the Soldier, you and I will be working together from now on!” though his voice still boomed, he held out his hand for a handshake, waiting expectantly at your frozen form. You mumbled something incoherent, completely overwhelmed as you took the offer and shook his hand. He turned around, walking towards the table and plopping himself down next to Scout as you slowly walked after him. You glanced at the Engineer, who seemingly busied himself with cooking, before your gaze landed on the second person you hadn’t met yet.

The large man was looking straight at you, and you gave him a wry smile, trying to not be intimidated by his sheer existence. “I am Heavy Weapons guy,” he spoke in an accented drawl, before motioning to the seat at the head of the table. “You can sit here.” You hesitated, before nodding, sitting down on the wooden stool as you looked at him nervously. “I did not expect for new mercenary to be woman.” his face was unreadable, but you just had to expect that he meant well as you gave a small laugh.

“Yeah, I don’t think anyone did, really.” you replied, resting your hands on your lap as he nodded in response.

“Yes, but it is okay, you are not undermined,” he paused for a second, before continuing “I have many sisters at home, they are very strong, I think you are too, if you are here.” a small smile edged onto your face as you looked at him, feeling a little bit more relaxed at his friendly small talk

“Really? Thank you. I hope I won’t let you down, then.” He shook his head, before looking at the door opening with a set face.

You followed his gaze, and quietly watched as three more mercenaries filed into the room. Oh, my god, there’s a lot of people. The first you noticed was the hatted man with the aviators you’d seen before, you think he went by Sniper? He gave you a passing glance, before quietly sitting down next to Scout, avoiding your gaze at all costs. Then, there was a black man, who seemed to not notice you at all as he waddled over to chat with the Engineer. Then there was a man in doctor’s attire. If that wasn’t the Medic you’d heard of, you weren’t sure who was. His gaze snapped over to you almost immediately, and watched him approach you with raised eyebrows.

He stopped right in front of you, and you smiled nervously “Er.. Hello.” he was quiet for a second, before a look of realization crossed his face and he relaxed slightly.

“Hello, you are the new mercenary, ja?” you blinked slowly, before answering

“Yes, I’m the uh, Lookout, it’s nice to meet you.” the man nodded, readjusting his collar slightly

“I am aware. I am the Medic,” he paused for a second, before folding his hands behind his back, straightening up. “I suppose you are aware, but I will have to remind you that you have to come to the infirmary after dinner is over so I can give your body the.. Necessary adjustments it needs for battle tomorrow.” you processed what he said, before your stomach dropped. You felt your blood start running cold as you stared straight at him. Infirmary? Wait, he's not going to- okay, it's fine, you just had to shove the feeling down and respond, _respond._

“Yeah, okay, sure.” You were barely able to keep the shake out of your voice. He nodded, then turned around and went to his seat.

You watched him for a few more seconds with a growing fear in the back of your mind, before shaking it off and looking over at the Engineer as he carried a big pot over to the table. “I made beef stew, hope ya don’t mind.” he looked over and gave you a friendly smile, making you smile back and nod almost automatically. The black man you saw before put some plates in front of you, before realizing that you were in fact, there.

“Oh I’m sorry, I hadn’t seen ya there lassie.” the scottish accent rolled off his tongue as he looked at you in surprise. “Heard yer name was Lookout, yeah? I’m the Demoman, just call me Demo.” you gave a thumbs up

“No worries, nice to meet you, Demo.” He smiled, before giving a jerky nod.

“Can you go and pass those to Spy?”

Who? You looked next to you, and nearly jumped when you realized that someone was sitting there. What? But you were paying so much attention! Where the hell did he come from? The man with a balaclava on, who you assumed to be Spy, gave you a knowing glance, a smug smirk coming onto his face as if he knew what he’d done. You passed him the rest of the plates after taking one, and he said nothing as he passed the rest to Scout, and so on. You stared at him, trying to register where the hell he came from as he slowly turned to you. “Is there something wrong, mademoiselle?” French. This guy is french, of course he is. You shook your head, looking back at your plate with a nervous chuckle.

“No, sorry, I just hadn’t seen you come in.” he raised an eyebrow in response, before shrugging.

“Good, you shouldn’t have been able to.” You were about to question what he meant, before Engineer motioned to the table.

“Alright, everything’s set up, dig in!” he announced to the group, sitting down himself and waiting as a sudden chaos erupted.

You looked around nervously, watching the others squabble over who got to get a share first before doing the same as Engie did, slowly leaning back against the chair and waiting your turn. It didn’t take long for you to get something, much thanks to Heavy, who poured your bowl much to your surprise. You managed to snag a piece of bread before it was gone as well, which meant that you at least had a full meal to yourself.

The squabbling and chatting continued as everyone ate, and you got the warm feeling of community radiating from the others as you stayed quiet and ate, just listening to what they were talking about. Suddenly, you heard your name. “Ey, Lookout.” The familiar boston boy called out, and your shoulders stiffened. You glanced up at him, before realizing that he looked a lot less hostile than before. “So I was wondering, since you’re a new class, what do yous do?” you paused, opening your mouth to answer before remembering the letter in your supply crate.

“Oh um.. Well, as far as I know my job is to watch out for the enemy spy and make sure no enemy is launching a surprise attack.” you hesitated, seeing he looked unimpressed, before continuing “I’m also able to obstruct the view of the enemy, as I’ve got smoke grenades. A-And I’ve got a robot eye that can see all of my teammates’ locations at all times.” That piqued his interest, as did the others’, as they glanced at you.

“A robot eye? How’s that work?” Scout inquired, putting down his spoon as you tapped under your right eye with a slight smile.

“Yeah, see this one? This is completely cybernetic. It’s got a ton of processors in it which transfers the data of you guys into the lens. This makes it so I can see where you all are when you’re within my area.”

“How’d you get a hold of that technology, if ya don’t mind me asking.” Engineer asked, his head tilted sideways as you laughed sheepishly “Oh, well, I originally made it myself, but a team from my previous workplace has been helping me improve its build to being as good as it is now. I uh.. I needed a replacement eye after losing the original one.” he nodded, his eyebrows raised, before he gave a slight smile. “Then you’re an engineer of sorts as well?” you shrugged “I-I guess a little, yeah.”

The rest of the dinner went off without a hitch. Though you weren’t talked to much after that, you did feel slightly more included. As Engineer gathered up the plates to wash them and people started leaving, Medic called for your attention. “Your surgery will be in an hour, please make sure you’re ready by then.” You nodded, slowly standing up as you excused yourself from the table. With a brisk walk, you were out of the dining hall and back into your room. You slowly sat down at the foot of the bed, taking a deep breath, before sighing. Stay calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did so much research to decide the perfect weapons, it's like, not even okay anymore *sob* I'm so tired.


	3. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lookout takes a trip to the doc, we know what that means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya, sorry that I missed last week's update, I was on vacation. Anyway, this chapter is a bit on the shorter side. It's also pretty rough because I just wanted this one done and over with in all honesty. Next week is gonna be a big chapter, to make up for it!
> 
> TW: surgery, phobia of doctors, needles, and infirmaries

You stared at the clock as the hour ticked by, slowly.

_ Slowly. _

You were nervous, it was something you could wholly admit to yourself and only yourself. Doctors scared you, surgery horrified you, and on the same day that you showed up in a new base, it was practically forced into your life.

_ You hated it. _

You don't dare tell Medic, oh no, what absolute mockery he would make out of you. Look at this adult woman, afraid to get a check-up, afraid of needles, afraid of a little prick in her arm. It wasn't even blood that made you sick to your stomach, no, it was the harmless prick of a small metal syringe that was supposed to help you!

And yet, your heart hammered in your throat at the mere thought of it. For a second you could imagine his face if you'd admitted that you were, deepened in a scowl, a cold clinical look in his eyes as he would assume that you were unfit for battle and send you back home, where you'd have to tell your entire team that you failed because you nearly burst into tears from a check-up.

Pathetic.

You shoved down your feelings, slowly pushing yourself off of the bed as you hopelessly checked the clock once more. It was fifty-five minutes later. Better early than late, right? You grabbed the small box containing the new chip for your eye in your clammy hands giving it a small squeeze. It was a slight tingle of familiarity that grounded you just enough to open the door and make your way down the hallway, stopping right in front of the infirmary.

Metal swing doors had never looked so daunting before, but as you stared blankly at them, it felt like you were slowly sinking down into the ground. When was the last time you've seen a doctor? Months.. Weeks? You've been taking care of your own body for so long, why not start now? Resolute on that thought, you started turning around.

"Ah, Lookout! Just on time."

_ Shit. _

You looked at Medic, whose friendly smile did not quite reach his eyes. His posture was proper, arms folded behind his back as he tilted his head to the side. "I didn't think of you as one to be so sharply on time! If I knew, I would've come sooner. I don't look unprofessional now, do I?" he walked past you, opening the door and motioning inwards. "Do come in."

And now it would just be rude to leave.

“Thanks..” you mumbled, carefully entering the infirmary as you clutched the box to your chest. Nervously, you glanced at him. “Um.. My old team sent me a replacement chip for my eye calibration, I hope you know how to put that in.” you spoke. He blinked, there was silence.

“Oh yes!” Before you could ask any further, he replied, walking over to the gurney to take off the paperwork he’d laid on it. “I know, could you put it down over there?” He gave a vague hand-motion to the side-table next to him. “Please, sit down, I’ll be ready in just a second.”

You sat down on the surgery table after placing the box where told, following him walking around with your eyes. Medic seemed very.. Calculated, like every step was forethought. As if everything he did was going to lead up to something. It was a horrifying thought.

A small coo brought you away from that mindset, your eyes snapping to the ceiling. Bird? No.. Birds, plural, there’s more than one bird. “You have birds here?” You asked without thinking, before quickly shutting your mouth. Well of course he did, you were looking at them.

“Ah, yes! I have a few. They’re no problem for you are they?” He glanced over his shoulder, and you just shook your head. Strangely, the presence of the animals were slightly calming, like he wasn’t…  _ really _ a doctor. Real doctors wouldn’t have the thought of having a living being besides themselves and their assistants in the room with them, and yet here were a set of doves, staring back at you with beady eyes. It was oddly endearing.

“Now, could you look here please? Don’t blink.” With minor warning, Medic stood in front of you, flashing a light directly into your eyes. You barely managed to suppress a flinch, clenching your fists as he swiftly stepped back and scribbled something onto his clipboard. “Alright, your hand?” You uncomfortably held out your hand, squirming slightly as he pressed down a thumb against your wrist.

Silence.

“Your heart rate is quite high, are you nervous?” He asked, scribbling down something else. You just shrugged, crossing your legs as you looked away. There was another stretch of silence, before he just continued. “Alright, open your mouth.” he looked down your throat, motioned for you to close it again, and wrote down something else before placing the clipboard down.

“Alright, that is enough for the physical exam. Now we begin the fun part!” a grin stretched onto his face, and your stomach dropped.

“Fun?”

“ _ Ja _ , I need to calibrate you to respawn, and of course give you the ability to  über ! Your heart simply is too weak to do that right now, so I have to give you a new one!”

Needles are one thing, spontaneous heart transplant? A bit much.

You would’ve launched yourself off the gurney if Medic hadn’t been standing in front of you, so instead, your face twists to match the horror you’re feeling. “That’s a joke, right? My- my heart is  _ just _ fine, I do  _ not _ need a new one.”

Medic’s grin falls.

“I’m, I-” you struggle to justify this, this fear that smoldered whatever relaxation you had left in your body. It felt like the infirmary was closing in around you, trapping you closer to the doctor right in front of you, you absolutely  _ despised  _ it. You could guess the mad doctor would be enraged by the fear of him, offended, even.

But Medic didn’t seem angry, he just had this cold, contemplative look in his eyes. He was thinking,  _ calculating,  _ how to handle  _ you. _ Your stomach twisted.

“Well..” he paused, scratching his chin. “This does make things a bit difficult.” He looked at you, away, then back at you again. You weren’t sure if his words were meant for you, but he just lets out a long sigh. “Lookout, you must go through with this, or I will be forced to send you home.”

_ Home _ .

That threat, that was something you didn’t want. Well, that’s not entirely true. You’d love to go home, but not like this. You want to be sent home with honor, not for fearing a doctor. You just hang your head. “Okay.”

“Good, now would you take off your shirt and lie down for me,  _ bitte? _ ” There was no judgement in his tone, just impatience. You did as told, staring at him blankly as he started to mark off the places of incision on your chest.

Then he grabbed a scalpel

“Wa- wait, don’t I need to be.. Under anesthesia for this?” You asked, your voice spiking slightly. He looked at you, looked at the scalpel, then looked back at you.

“No.”

_ Fair enough. _

He made a small cut, and your stomach lurched again. You wrenched your eyes shut, trying to forget where you were, what was happening around you. Distraction, anything!

“Wh- What’s  über ?” you heard your shaking voice ask before you had any thought, and on the inside you congratulated yourself for making up some distraction. The Medic hummed to himself, cutting deeper into your skin. You weren’t gonna look at what he was doing, but the sharp stinging was telling you enough.

“Ubercharge..” he paused, and you felt him poke around what would probably be your organs, the pain searing to an unbearable height as you squirmed uncomfortably under his hands. “That is a.. Temporary invincibility to bullets. Amazing, ja? Well, it is not like you will ever feel it. I think it would be a little wasted on you..” his voice grew quieter at the end, as if he were thinking about something.

“I don’t get- I don’t understand-” your voice cracked, and for a second you had to gasp for air, feeling your body start to numb and block out the searing heat coming from your chest. “Respawn- what’s that?” you struggled to stay conscious, but you had to stay awake. You were learning valuable information through suffering, and you weren’t going to pass that up.

“Oh! That, well..” he paused, rummaging at something outside of your vision. “As long as you are within the radius of the respawn machine, it will be impossible for you to die! It is a fantastic invention, that way you can see more blood more often!” you ignored the last statement, trying to soak up the useful information as a cloudy haze covered your vision.

“Does our enemy have that too?” your voice cracked even worse, and it hurt to ask questions, but the Medic didn’t seem to mind.

“Oh yes, they have that too. They have everything we have, including our faces!” before you could ask what he meant, he continued “They look exactly like us! I’m not entirely sure how either. Maybe it’s an illusion or a..” his voice grew more distant, accompanied by his footsteps as he walked a few steps away. You heard a set of clicks, before the whirring grew louder.

And as your vision started darkening, it got louder.

And louder,

And louder,

And then for a second, it was quiet.

But then it wasn’t.

“Lookout, Lookout?” you felt poking in your cheek, accompanied by the worst pounding headache you’d ever had. For a second, you thought it was all a dream, and you were back at your old base, with your old team. You could almost imagine them smiling down at you. The surgery was a success, Lookout! Your sight is back! Yet when you opened your eyes, it was only the dark silhouette of Medic to greet you. You couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed.

“Ah, you’re finally awake, I was worried I would have to try and revive you.” he gave a shit-eating grin, standing upright with a hand folded behind his back. “Everything is in order now.” you pressed your hand against your head, looking at him blearily. He stared back, before nodding “Yes, now if you would please leave.. And shower, preferably.”

You picked the shirt off of the ground, pulling it over your head with a quiet sigh before throwing him a glance over your shoulder and leaving. Something felt off, you were strangely a lot more calm than you were before, and after being through something like that, you wouldn’t think so. Maybe he decided to use some sort of drug on you after all- though you couldn’t shake off the feeling that it wasn’t quite right.

You entered the showers with a quiet sigh, opening the locker with your name on it to see a mandatorily supplied towel and pyjama set already waiting for you. Oddly convenient, but that's besides the point. You stepped into one of the shower stalls, hanging up your clothes by the hook before opening the tap and letting water run over you.

Besides the sound of rushing water, the room was quiet. It was already night- and that most probably meant everyone was asleep. You decided to just make the shower quick, hoping not to bother anyone as you aggressively washed your face and body with the cheap bar of soap that you just had opened. As you did so, you noticed that there was no scarring near the area that Medic cut into, and you wondered, for just a second, if you imagined the entire thing out of fear.

You wished.

You dried yourself off and got into the dark red two-piece pyjamas, already making a mental note to take it off immediately once you got to your room. You dumped your dirty laundry into the collective laundry bin, before tip-toeing out of the shower room to make as little noise as possible.

You finally got back to your own room, taking off the pyjama shirt before launching yourself onto the bed. You curled up into a fetal position. For a second, you looked straight ahead, before noticing some light flickering from outside your window. Darn-it, you forgot to close the curtains, and now you were already laying down. Whatever, that’s something for morning Lookout to deal with. You rolled your back towards the light, trying to ignore its existence, before you heard quiet mumbling from outside. People talking? Was there maybe a campfire? You considered standing up and looking out to see what was going on, but ultimately decided against it, instead hooking an arm under your pillow and pressing your face against the soft white fabric.

You listened to the quiet rumbling, before the soft string of a guitar accompanied the noise. You relaxed slightly, closing your eyes as you let the distant noise lull you off to sleep, ignoring the importance of tomorrow.

  
  
  
  
  



	4. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lookout gets into her first battle! Unsurprisingly, it is traumatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start, I want to give a gigantic thank you to big_scrunch! They beta-read this chapter for me which was just amazing since I really needed to get the right vibe. They're also writing a TF2 fanfic called "Jack of All Trades", and I'd really recommend it if you haven't read it!

“Lookout, stay in the tower!” Freezing cold bites your skin, harsh wind whips around your head. You don’t know where you are, stuck between the thick white mist in your surroundings and the bright flashes of an explosion in the distance. You spot the faint outline of people that you knew, burning a fiery orange amongst the blank landscape. You are close- so close that you could almost hear them. Every crunch of your boots in the snow crackles like the electricity coursing in your veins. You’re trapped, you don’t know what’s going on, all that you know is that it’s cold.

And it gets colder,

And colder,

And then, it’s hot.

You shoot upright in bed, a sharp inhale expanding your chest as your brain rushes to recollect what just happened. Were you- that was a dream? You look at your shaking hands, trying to make sense of what was real and what wasn’t, before slowly shaking your head. Yeah no, okay, it’s fine. You’re fine, you’re no longer there. You slowly let your hands drop, glancing over at the alarm clock sat on the nightstand beside your bed.

6:53 A.M.

A full hour and seven minutes before it was planned to go off. For a second, you considered tucking yourself back in, but your mind was still racing . With a disgruntled sigh, you get out of bed, tiptoeing over to your work clothes to get dressed for the day. As you struggled to pull the waistband of your pants high enough to be comfortable, your mind began to wander. Today was going to be the first-ever battle, huh? Well, for you, at least. You bit the inside of your cheek, a pit growing in your stomach. This wasn’t going to go good, you knew that already. You were starting to fear that perhaps your team was putting a little too much trust in you. Sure, you’d been in this position before, but out on the battlefield, people were afraid to die. Here, however.. They didn’t have to be. You were starting to regret signing that contract.

While straightening your polo, you made your way to the kitchen, seeing if you could get some coffee before anyone else woke up. Half awake, you stumbled to the stove, grabbing one empty mug that you were fairly certain was plain enough not to belong to someone specific. You slowly reached towards the coffee mix, before your eyes glided to the brewer and your movement stopped. To your surprise, there was already a finished pot, still steaming. It clearly had been taken from recently, and you glance over your shoulder to see if someone was still there.

And indeed, there was. Sitting quietly at the table was none other than Sniper, who you could guess had been watching you through your half-awake stumbling. He looked much different than you’d seen before, all you could recognize was his uniform. His hat and aviators were placed beside him, and you suddenly realized how weird it was that he was wearing them indoors when you first met. You made eye-contact, and after a second of holding it, he looked away. You turned your head back to the coffee, pouring yourself a cup with a little more self-consciousness now that someone else was in here with you.

You finished preparing your cup with the right amount of milk and sugar, and when you turned around you noticed that Sniper was walking towards you, his hat and aviators back on. You took a deep breath, then spoke a hesitant “Good morning.” His distant gaze glanced towards you, and he gave a polite nod, before placing his mug in the sink right next to you and leaving the dining hall.  _ Hint taken. _ You couldn’t help but frown as you watched him go, then let the feeling roll off of your shoulders. Perhaps he just wasn’t much of a people-person. 

You sit down at the table, letting out a deep sigh while raising the mug to your lips. Perhaps it was better to take the morning slow and alone, after all, you were up pretty early. That being said, though, you would’ve liked to speak to Sniper at least once. You were ninety-percent sure neither of you had exchanged a word, and the thought of it made you a little uneasy.

Too deep into your mulling you hadn’t realized that both Engineer and Demo had entered the dining area, and were blatantly staring at you. With a blink, you looked back at them. “Hm?” 

“Jesus Christ, lass, you looked like you were about to kill both of us for comin’ in.” the Demo responded, finishing it off with a quiet chuckle as he made his way over to the coffee machine.

“Yeah, somethin’ happen?” Engineer added a little more thoughtfully, throwing you a last glance before grabbing some pans from the lower cabinet.

“Oh no, this is just my thinking face.” you mumbled, hiding your face behind your mug from embarrassment and covering it up as drinking coffee.

“Ahuh..” Demo hummed suspiciously before sitting down next to you with his pitch black coffee. You smiled sheepishly in response. You ended up quietly being able to finish your coffee, neither of the two really talked all that much which in all honesty, was great. The only sounds you needed was the quiet clunking of the Engineer preparing breakfast and the sizzling of the pan.

The silence was broken when a certain Boston boy strode into the room with a dramatic stretch, hightailing it over to Engineer. “Eyyy, Engie. Wat’cha makin’?” You weren’t exactly sure, but you could feel the vibe of someone rolling their eyes coming from the Engineer, and you would've known for certain if he didn't have his goggles on. Now that you thought about it, it was pretty peculiar that he had them on after supposedly just waking up. But, whatever, none of these people knew what to wear at what occasion anyway. 

“Breakfast, Scout. Now how about you go sit down and be sweet, and leave me to it.” Something about his tone made you think that this happened nearly every day, and you nearly paled at the thought of having to hear him yell every single morning. He did as told, surprisingly, and strolled up to the table, sitting down with a certain flourish that made you watch him. He caught your eyes.

“So, ay, Lookout, you excited to bash some heads in today?” his eyebrows raised while he talked and he cocked his head to the side, you hesitated. 

“Now, I don’t think that runnin’ into battle’s gonna be the best plan first-day.” Engineer cut in, still facing the stovetop, “Think that Lookout would be more comfortable tryin’ to get to know the map, right?” He looked over his shoulder directly at you, and you looked at your hands. 

“What? That’s bull! She’s not gonna cower away in some corner just ‘cus it’s her first day, ain’t that right Lookout?” Now Scout was looking at you. 

Honest to god, you hadn’t even thought of a plan yet. You looked between the two, gripping your mug between your hands as you shrugged. “Um.. I guess I should.. Look around the map first, you know. Get to know any fast passages to uh.. See what’s going on.” The Engineer seemed pretty satisfied with the answer, turning his attention back to cooking as Scout looked, for lack of better words, offended.

“I can’t believe this.” he sounded exasperated, before rolling his eyes. “Very typical of you.” his second comment struck a nerve, and you shot him a glare. Before you could speak, however, Demo slowly placed his mug down. 

“It’s alright, lad, it’s only her first day. Let her work how she wants.” he looked at you apologetically, and you nodded back in appreciation. The Scout let out a grunt, placing his head on the table as he mumbled something incomprehensible in an annoyed tone.

The morning rolled by slowly as mercenaries came in one-by-one. First was Heavy, who gave you a quiet nod before sitting down next to you. Soldier strode in as Engineer started setting food on the table, yelling something about it being ‘the perfect American meal’ before shoving whatever amount of egg he could find in his mouth. You watched the ordeal in amusement, before he started eyeing your own plate of breakfast you’d managed to get before him. Next came Medic, who seemed to be used to the ruckus as he quietly and neatly grabbed a coffee and sat next to Heavy, watching Scout and Soldier bicker like hungry pigeons over a singular piece of toast. Pyro and Spy came in last. Spy spoke to no one, only quietly sitting at the corner of the table and trying not to be seen. Pyro just grabbed a plate and left, making you realize that he wasn’t there last night either. You guessed it was just to have his mask off in privacy.

“THIRTY MINUTES” A loud, booming voice startled you from dozing off again, and everyone started standing up from their seats. You stayed seated as you looked around at everyone. Engineer picked up on your confusion and he threw you a patient smile. “That means we’ve gotta get ready for battle.” he explained, gathering plates and placing them in the sink. You nodded in response, quickly rising up as well before darting past everyone to get back to your room. Rummaging through your drawers, you grabbed your straps and weapons to put them on. you noted that the loadout was surprisingly light as you readjusted the shoulder strap that held your SMG against your back.

“TEN MINUTES LEFT.”

Following the signs outside, you entered the respawn room with everyone already in it. They were all grabbing things out of their respective lockers, and with a quick glance around the room you found your own. Out of curiosity, you opened it, only to find it practically empty save for spare ammo at the bottom of it. Letting out a slightly disappointed hum, you close the locker, only to jump as Spy was right behind it.

“Er.. can I help you?” you spoke, letting your hand glide down as the frenchman raised an eyebrow. 

“So you are going to explore the map today, yes?” 

You paused, staring at him in confusion before tipping your head to the side. “Yeah..?” 

“Well, I suggest you stay to the right side. It is the safest way to make your way over to the enemy base, although it is not the fastest route.” 

You stared at him quietly, slowly processing that he was in fact, giving you helpful advice as you gave a quick nod. “Ah, thanks.” You smiled slightly, and he nodded. 

“But of course.” He then turned, walking to... Wherever he was going as you stared after him. There was a moment of hesitation, before you decided to just sit down on one of the benches and wait.

“SIXTY SECONDS.”

Everyone seemed to step up into gear as they hauled their weapons onto their shoulders and walked over to the fenced gates. You followed after them a little more slowly, and caught eyes with Engineer, who was carrying a large red toolbox. “Nervous?” he asked.

“How could you tell?” you replied with a small smile, gripping the jet-black baton a little tighter. 

“I can see it on your face. Don’t worry, as long as you stay out of everyone’s sight, you’ll be fine. Can’t shoot ya if they can’t see ya.” You nodded quietly, your gaze traveling back to out of the gates. 

“TEN SECONDS LEFT.”

To the right, Spy said? You noticed a small corridor to the side of the field. That must be where he wants you to go, right? You caught the frenchman’s eyes while you were peering outside. He raised an eyebrow.

“FIVE”

Your heart was racing. You felt your eye click on, a soft whirring inside of your skull as your teammates started glowing a soft shade of red.

“FOUR”

You could feel every breath you took now, and your eyes trained on that corridor.

“THREE”

You had to make sure that once the gates opened, you made your way inside of there.

“TWO”

You quickly glanced over the rest of the field, making sure that nothing was going to see you go.

“ONE”

Your muscles tightened under your skin, ready to start sprinting.

“FIGHT!”

The speakers almost seemed excited, but your stomach dropped. A loud siren washed over the battlefield as the metal gates rolled up. You blinked, and realized all your teammates were already a few steps ahead. Mustering all of your energy, you beelined towards the door, barely feeling your feet move under you. It had not even been ten seconds, and you could hear the fervent shooting of a gun from behind you as the others fought in the open. You slowed down to a jog, making sure not to bump into any of the jutting-out wooden beams as gravel crunched beneath your feet.

You could hear yelling from the other side of the wall, and you glanced to the side to see who it was. It seemed that Soldier and Medic were against someone. You heard a soft whistle, before the corridor shook fervently and a loud crash echoed. You immediately stopped walking, watching little bits of sand trickle down from the ceiling. You waited a few more seconds as you watched your teammates run off, before flicking down your goggles just for safety.

You continued down the hallway, then noticed an exit to the left. Cautiously, you peered around the corner, only to realize that you were right within the heat of battle. You saw Soldier and Medic right up front, Heavy revving his minigun behind the wall. You could barely hear their yelling through the sound of rockets and gunshots. Cautiously taking a step forward, you saw a person running forward dressed in all blue, yet it looked like.. That was Soldier, but dressed in blue? You realized that this was the enemy team, before also piecing together that this enemy was loading up his rocket launcher to fire at Medic. 

On mere instinct, your hand flew to your ear piece as your gaze trained on him. There was a moment of hesitation as you tried to find words, trying to find something you could say. “Medic, Soldier behind you.” your voice was shaky and quick, but it was too late. The German looked over his shoulder, before getting hit square in the back by the BLU Soldier’s rocket.

You could only watch in horror as the man blew into multiple pieces of himself, your mouth slowly opening. You didn’t scream, however, you just stood there and stared. But your silence did no good, as the enemy Soldier’s head whipped towards you.  _ Shit. _ Without any input of your brain, you started sprinting further down the corridor, trying to get as far away as possible. You heard footsteps behind you, before they quickly stopped after another loud explosion rattled the support beams. Your heart was racing, adrenaline pumping as every muscle in your body screamed to keep running. Medic was surely dead, right? Respawn can’t fix  _ that, right?  _ You felt guilt press your heart, no matter how much fear rivalled it. You should’ve reacted sooner, then maybe.. You looked behind you, feeling a little more at ease as you saw the Medic’s silhouette faintly in the distance, yet you couldn’t shake off the feeling that you’d been too slow. 

The end of the hallway was slowly coming nearer, and you realized you  _ had _ to leave now. Turning back wasn’t an option, you didn’t want that Soldier to get you as well, if he even could. You turned the corner, seeing the Engineer standing next to some sort of building as he frantically smacked it with his wrench while it stood under fire by the BLU team’s Heavy. Seeing your chance with the big guy being distracted, you slipped behind a building and managed to climb your way through the window, glancing around.

It was then you caught eyes with something familiar. Goggles resting on top of her head, an SMG in hand, and dressed in blue. She looked exactly like you. You stared at each other blankly, and you weren’t sure what to do. Your heart was racing, and you weren’t sure if you should pull out your gun to defend yourself, or run. The BLU Lookout, however, reacted much sooner, a flash of bullets spraying from her SMG. You barely even felt the pain, all you could look at was your enemy as you fell to your knees, before slamming your face against the ground.

It was cold, dark. You couldn’t feel anything, and you felt like your eyes were glued shut. The air around you felt heavy, yet you were floating high above it all. Then, dizziness, whirring around and around and spinning you like the world’s worst carnival ride. To make matters worse, gravity seemed to have returned, starting to slam you down with alarming speeds as the darkness grew lighter and lighter. Overwhelming nausea consumed your body, and the second your feet hit the ground once more you stumbled to the barely visible trash can to empty out everything you’d eaten the entire day. You barely even noticed you were back in the respawn room as you heaved, holding your violently shaking body as an attempt to calm down.

You gasped for breath, slowly opening your eyes to look around. To your surprise, you were completely alone. You slowly wiped your sleeve along your mouth, trying to get enough air as you stumbled around like a newborn foal. The world was still dark and spinning slightly, but you just hugged the walls to get your balance back step by step. 

You finally managed to get inside of a building, carefully making your way up the stairs as you tried to find where the others were. You noticed the red outline of your teammates starting to come this way, and decided to stay here and keep an eye out. Sitting down right beside a window, you grabbed your binoculars with shaking hands, gazing out to see if there were any enemies nearing.

You couldn’t see anything, and for a second, you enjoyed the silence. Then, you heard a voice right behind you. “‘M gonna give ya five seconds to start running, sheila.” you whipped your head around, realizing that there was indeed an enemy behind you. He was glaring, aviators pulled slightly down as in one hand he held a sniper rifle and in the other a kukri. The blue colour of his clothes told you enough, it was the BLU Sniper. You stared at him, mouth agape, before his head cocked slightly to the side. “Five..”  _ Oh, shit.  _ You scrambled to your feet, sprinting down the stairs before the next number could even leave his mouth. You nearly tripped over the last step, barely keeping your balance as you took a sharp breath. You glanced up the stairs, realizing that the Sniper wasn’t coming after you before relaxing slightly. 

You peeked out the doorway to make sure you were safe, before a slew of bullets barely missed your head. You quickly jumped back, and you heard a Boston accent yell a disdainful “Come on!” The BLU Scout was right outside, and you glanced to see that your team was advancing once more. You pressed your finger against your ear piece, your heart racing with every step you heard the Scout make to close the distance. “There’s a flanking Scout-” you were barely able to release the voice recording before another set of bullets were sent your way. “Come out and fight me like a man!” the boy hollered. You hesitated, before pushing down your fear and pulling your SMG from the holster, stepping out of the building with your gun aimed forward.

You felt bullets catch your shoulder, and you bit back a disdainful cry as you shot back. All but a few missed, and you nearly were stuck watching in wonder as the boy jumped from right to left as he dodged most of your attack. You barely even noticed he was still shooting, and this amazement worked against you. Your eyes widened as you realized the ground was rapidly coming towards you before the world went dark once more.

When you returned to the living world, your knees buckled under you immediately as you caught your breath. You bit back the bile, trying your best not to throw up. You rested on your hands, your chest heaving. You suddenly heard the sound of boots hitting the ground behind you, and you could barely lift your head. Surprisingly, it was Demo, who looked down at you and laughed “Well, there really was a flanking Scout, eh lassie?” you gave a shaky thumbs up, before trying to stand back up, feeling a lot weaker than you had before. “Are you alright? Ye can take a time-out if ye want to, ye know.” the man spoke a little more quietly, walking over to his locker as he rummaged through his weapons. 

“‘M fine..” you were barely able to mumble, a slight hiccup to your voice as you grabbed hold of your baton. He nodded, before running out with what appeared to be a sword and a shield in hand. 

After a few more seconds of steadying your breath, you walked out as well, though you felt like you could collapse any second. You could barely make your way into the corridor once more however, before you saw a certain Boston boy sprint out of it, bat in hand. You caught eyes with the BLU Scout, his face twisting into a manic grin. You could barely respond as he beelined towards you, already mid-swing before there was a sharp pain against your jaw. And then another, smackdown against the top of your head. You felt your body collapse, barely able to keep yourself from vomiting once more. You put your palm on the ground, trying to push yourself back up as your mind raced with anger. The Scout didn’t even give you a chance to fight back! You grit your teeth, the metallic taste of blood covering your taste buds as you lifted your head to glare at him. Before you could set your eyes on him however, you heard a gunshot, and the darkness returned.

When you respawned, you immediately lied down on the ground, curling your body into a tight ball. You couldn’t hear anything but distant gunshots, and the room spun harder than it ever had before. You clutched your stomach, trying to focus on your breathing as a remedy for the pain as your vision started to blur. What the hell.. What the hell? What the hell! How the hell did these people do this? You couldn’t understand anything, these people were just- you didn’t fit in here, you couldn’t do this. You didn’t want to anymore.

You could barely notice footsteps approaching, too deep within your own gasping and shaking before you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Lookout is alright?” the deep Russian accent shook you from your thoughts as you looked over. You could barely make out Heavy from the spinning room, but you could see the slight concern on his face. You tried to open your mouth to speak, but no words left your lips. He tilted his head to the side, before nodding. With little difficulty, he picked you up, before you felt yourself be seated on one of the benches against the wall. “You stay here until you feel better, da?” he spoke softly, stepping away from you as he picked up his gun. You could barely nod before he left the respawn room, the quiet revving of his minigun disappearing into the distance as you watched his silhouette go.

“YOU FAILED”

You were still sitting on that bench with your head low when the announcement rang. You took a shaky breath, watching your teammates respawn one by one before you. For a second, you questioned how they suddenly died. There was quiet for a second, before Scout let out an angered cry “I cannot believe this!” there was mumbling between each other as everyone started putting their weapons back in the lockers, but you didn’t move. The air of disappointment that came from all of them weighed on you like a rock. You felt guilty for staying back, even though your hands still shook. This was horrible- you should’ve been able to do better. Yet when you thought about being forced to go through respawn again, your legs wouldn’t let you stand up and try again. It was as if your entire body was trying to stop you from dying once more, which would be normal in any other circumstance, but here?

You noticed a pair of black shoes enter your vision, and you lifted your head to look at the Engineer. “Are you alright?” he asked quietly, glancing over at your weapons. 

You looked behind him, realizing the others had already left before you grimaced. “I’m- I’m sorry, I should’ve done better,” your voice shook, and the Texan let out a quiet sigh.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s only your first day,” he waved his hand dismissively, and you bit your lip,

“Yeah but.. But I..” he sat down beside you, the bench slightly shifting towards his weight as you looked at him. 

“No one blames ya, Lookout. We all had troubles the first day, we’ve just gotten used to it,” he reassured you again, his voice a little softer. You didn’t reply, only guiltily looking away. 

Engineer looked at you quietly, before changing the subject. “So, was your eye working alright?” 

You nodded, blinking slightly as you watched the silhouettes of your teammates fade away one by one. “Yeah it.. It’s working fine, it’s a little.. Overwhelming though.” He tilted his head to the side, and you took it as an invitation to continue “I kind of- I know where everyone is constantly which is great for giving out warnings but.. But I can also see when people are.. _No_ _longer_ there.” 

He took a moment to process, before nodding quietly. “It’s distressing, isn’t it? Seeing people die?” 

“Yeah..” It was quiet after that. You weren’t sure what you could even say to break that silence, you just looked at your hands.

“Right, well.” he stood up, before holding a hand out to you “Enough sulking, go get yourself in the showers and dressed for dinner.” You took his hand apprehensively, letting yourself be pulled to your feet. You looked at him quietly, before a small smile broke your face despite the heavy pit in your stomach. It seemed that, perhaps, there weren’t that many bad people in the mercenary team after all.

Your hair laid flat against your head, still damp as you slowly trudged out of the showers wearing more comfortable clothing. You’d been able to go after everyone else finished, luckily. Something about showering completely alone was just what you’d needed to recollect your thoughts, yet you only realized how tired you truly were when you passed the dining hall with everyone loudly chatting in it. With a quiet sigh, you approached your room, fishing the keys out of your pocket as you tucked the towel under your arm. Perhaps you should just go to bed without eating, you could barely even hold your eyes open just walking around. You lifted your head as Spy walked past you, barely having a second to think as you called out to him. “Hey, Spy.” The masked man stopped, turning to look at you curiously as you sheepishly smiled “Um.. make sure Engineer knows I’m not coming to eat dinner, I’m just going to head to bed.” he seemed to pause as he considered what you said, before nodding. “Of course, sleep well, Lookout.” you nodded in appreciation, before entering your room and locking it behind you, dropping the towel onto the ground before launching yourself onto the bed, not giving your brain a second thought to feel anything as you drifted off to sleep.


	5. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lookout's second day on the field, and things just cannot seem to go right for her!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I'm back, kind of. Still posting whenever, but if it felt like I'd abandoned this fic, you'd have been mistaken! Like a good coffee, it needs its time to brew. Or more like wine, whichever is your call, so here I am with a 6000+ words chapter! Just for you!
> 
> QUICK NOTE:  
> I rewrote the entirety of chapter 3, because it just wasn't quite the vibe I was looking for. Nevertheless, if you'd like to know what changed (and don't quite feel like rereading) I will put patch notes at the bottom of this chapter to keep you spoiler-free! I also made some small edits to the other chapters to better support those, so reread the entire thing, winky face. (not necessary, enjoy today's chapter and take care darling)
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Mentions of blood, mentions of violence, severe disassociation and description thereof.

The blizzard is all around you now, shoving you back and forth as your feet sunk deep into the snow. Every step you took felt slower, and you felt more and more tired. You could hear more people yelling the farther away you got from that tower, but you couldn’t stop and turn back. Something in your heart tugged you onwards, closer to your teammates in the snow. Your fingertips tingled, but not thanks to the cold. It was some sort of calling that was luring you further into the mist, further into the icy landscape that tried to push you back.

You woke up thanks to the sun shining directly into your eyes. You let out a disdainful groan, rolling onto your other side as an attempt to fall back asleep. It’s not often that you get to experience a story in your dreams, and you’d like to know what comes next. Your alarm clock however, proved to think otherwise, as the harsh beeping cut through whatever hopes you had of sleeping in. You smacked your hand against it to shut it up, then sat up, letting out a sigh.

You started putting a fresh set of work clothes on as you looked outside, feeling a little bit of nervousness for the activities of today. It would be another battle, which is frankly.. Not what you want right now. You felt nauseated even thinking about respawn, maybe you’re best off just calling in sick for today. Yeah, that would probably be nice. But the gnawing voice in the back of your head argued that you should just do the work you were hired to do. After all, Engineer said that you’d eventually get used to it, so why dilly-dally?

You entered the dining hall with a tired wave, noticing everyone was already seated and in the middle of breakfast. The first to notice you was Soldier, surprisingly, who stood up from his seat. “Lookout! You were not at dinner yesterday! That is not good!” he yelled, making you flinch and awkwardly laugh.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I was just really tired,” you replied quietly, sliding into the seat beside Heavy. 

The large man cocked an eyebrow, before commenting a resolute “Yes, first battle, always very bad.”

“You feelin’ better now, though?” the Engineer spoke up, and you just shrugged, taking some bread from one of the baskets. 

“Yeah, I guess..” you mumbled, taking a bite of the soft pastry before continuing “I’m a little nervous though. I got to know the map a bit but I.. there was this BLU Scout, and he kept killing me. I don’t really… know what to do against him.” your own Scout seemed to glow with some sort of self-centered pride at that statement.

“Well, ‘course not, Scouts are unbeatable!” he replied, setting his shoulders as he lifted his chin “But uh, da BLU Scout’s not as good as _me_. I guess you just gotta get better at shooting him.” you nearly rolled your eyes at his unhelpful statement, getting ready to retort before Engineer cut in.

“Well, how ‘bout ya stick with me for today’s match. I know that Scout ain’t gonna try and get near my sentries, if he got any sense of self-preservation, that is.” the Texan offered, looking at you. For a second, you hesitated, not sure whether to take him up on that or not. Though yes, you might be safe from the BLU Scout, you still remembered how the BLU Heavy fought against Engineer’s machine, though you didn’t know the victor. At least you’d feel a bit better if you weren’t on your own.

“Sure, thanks Engineer.” You gave him a small smile, which he returned with a tip of his hardhat.

“‘S no problem at all, darl. You can just call me Engie, by the way. Everyone here does.” you gave him a small thumbs up at his words, before continuing with breakfast as planned.

You were barely able to finish your second bread bun when the speakers blared with the thirty minute announcement. You hesitated for just a second, feeling the second wave of nerves bubble up before you attempted to force it down with a sigh. At least this time, you couldn’t be entirely blamed for doing badly, right?

You followed your teammates into the locker room, taking your weapons out of your locker before sitting down on a bench, fidgeting with the little tidbits on your smoke grenade. You were deep in thought when you suddenly felt your seat move as a weight plopped down beside you, it was Demoman.

“Ya nervous?” he asked with a slight grin, and you just shrugged, looking down at the grenade in your hand. “Well, ya don’t gotta be. Engie’s a good man, he’ll look out for ya.” You looked back up at Demo, and he glanced at what was in your hands, raising an eyebrow quizzically “What’s that ya got there?”

“Oh um.. Smoke grenades.” you flicked the ring around the handle a few times, before hooking it onto your thigh strap.

“ _Smoke grenades?_ Are ya some kinda bomb expert as well, then?” he asked, his tone seeming a little more excited. You shook your head, adjusting the strap a little higher so you wouldn’t risk it sagging off during battle.

“Um.. not at all, I barely know how to use this one, and I’m pretty sure it’s super basic.” he nodded in understanding, before grabbing the weapon he had laid next to him and putting it on his lap, taking a red pill out of its ammo box.

“They kinda reminded me of these, that’s why I asked. These’re actual grenades, I made ‘em myself,” he spoke with a hint of pride in his voice, handing you one. You rolled it in your hand, inspecting it curiously before looking at him.

“You make these yourself, how?”

“Well, I don’t make ‘em much myself anymore, since they just factory make it so it’s cheaper, but eh.. The idea’s mine.” he scratched the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. There was a second of silence between you two, before he reached down and grabbed a bottle of what you recognized to be some sort of alcohol, glugging it down before you got the chance to react.

“..Should you be drinking right before battle?” you asked. You weren’t sure if he heard you, as he just stood up and walked towards his locker, rummaging around it with a sense of haste. You stared after him, before your attention was turned away as the Engineer approached you.

“Alright, ya ready?” he sat beside you, resting a bright red toolbox on his knee. You nodded, looking at him a little nervously.

“Is there anything in specific I should do?” you asked.

“Well, if ya wanna be helpful, you can try an’ make sure no spies get to my buildings. Maybe ya can help repair ‘em a little, while you’re at it.” he rapped his fingers against the metal as he thought of things for you to do. “Besides that, I think you’re best off just observing the area, see how the others fight. Not much you’re able to do anyway.”

“SIXTY SECONDS”

You flinched at the loud announcement that drowned out his last words, before throwing him a look. “You still sure you want me to stick by you?”

“There’s nothin’ I’m worried about, it’s more of your own choice.” he replied, hoisting the toolbox onto his shoulder as he stood up. You followed suit, taking your SMG out of the holster preemptively. He looked down at it, before nodding, jogging over to the gated exit as he peered outside. You stood beside him, trying to figure out what he was looking at before deciding to turn to him and actually gain information instead of just wondering.

“So what’s the.. What’s the plan? Anything in specific?”

“First I’ve gotta get my teleporter up, then we can set up a nest at one of our points to make sure none o’ the BLUs get anywhere close to it, if they manage to capture the gray point, that is.” you processed his words slowly, before your eyes widened.

“What? Teleporter? What kind of machines do you build?” he laughed at the shock in your tone, readjusting his grip on the toolbox.

“Well, not much, just a sentry gun, a teleporter, and a dispenser. You’ll-”

“TEN SECONDS LEFT”

He was quiet for a second, before shrugging. “You’ll find out in a moment, dont’cha worry, just stay by me.” You nodded, looking back outside with a twinge of confidence. At least he knew what he was doing.

“FIVE. FOUR. THREE. TWO. ONE.”

With a loud siren, the gates opened. Engineer ran a few steps forward, before smacking down his toolbox and hitting it with his wrench. You watched in amazement as it automatically unfurled into some sort of contraption, but he moved on as soon as it finished setting up. “C’mon, we don’t got time to lose. Watch my back!” A second toolbox rested on his shoulder, seemingly appearing out of nowhere as he ran off. You darted after him as you looked out into the distance, watching the silhouettes of your team go towards the left. You wondered if you would need to follow after them some other day.

You nearly bumped into Engineer as he suddenly stopped and smacked down the toolbox, setting up what appeared to be the second teleporter. He let out a slight sigh, stretching and popping his back as the machine clacked open slowly. “I guess that’ll do. You stay here, I’m gonna find me some metal.” He mumbled, sauntering off behind a rock. You watched him go, before looking back at the teleporter curiously. It was spinning with a healthy hum, a glowing red disk on top. Did this mean it was working? You were about to poke it, before you had to jump back as the machine zapped loudly.

And suddenly, Soldier was standing there. He looked just as shocked to see you, before a big grin stretched onto his face. “Hello, Lookout!” he greeted, before turning around and running away to where you’d seen his silhouette go before. You watched him go quietly, frankly baffled at what just happened.

“What ya think of it?” you startled away when Engineer seemingly appeared behind you, carrying another toolbox with a proud look on his face.

“Did you.. Design this.. Thing?” You weren’t sure what to say, and he chuckled, placing down his toolbox and smacking it with his wrench to set up a new machine.

“Sure did, ‘s nothing much, really.” The machine he was setting up looked similar to the one you saw yesterday, could this be the sentry? It turned its head around automatically, swaying from side to side with quiet beeps. You watched it with a blank stare as you slowly processed Engineer’s statement, before snapping your gaze back to him with a baffled look on your face.

“Nothing much? _Nothing much?_ This is amazing! How did you- when- how?!” you could barely make out your words as Engineer stopped readjusting the bolts on his sentry for a second, giving a quiet chuckle at the absolute amazement in your tone “We tried- my old team tried to make teleportation real for years! And now it’s just- and you- NOTHING MUCH?!” he waved his hand through the air dismissively, continuing to upgrade the sentry.

“Aw shucks, you’re too kind. If I knew it was this big to ya I’d have given ya some blueprints to toy around with. I couldn’t really figure out how to do teleportation without some aspects of the respawn machine, though. Maybe that’s what was stoppin’ ya.” he leaned back a bit as the sentry unfurled itself to a second stage. You sighed, sitting down on a rock with your back turned to him as you watched your teammates’ silhouettes battle in the distance

“Yeah, you’re probably right.. I’d still like to see those blueprints though.” You mumbled absent-mindedly, your gaze gliding across the clearing. The thought of your old team brought back a nostalgic feeling, and an itch of a memory that you couldn’t quite recall. You were sure that if any of them knew what kind of inventions you were dealing with here, they’d fly right over just to see it with their own eyes. Maybe you should send them a letter to tell them about your findings? Who knows what boost in technology it’d give them, besides-

“YOU HAVE LOST THE CONTROL POINT”

The announcer shook you out of your thoughts, and you glanced back at Engineer, who seemed to have all his buildings ready. He sighed, cracked his back, then walked over to the dispenser, taking a few bullets from its open basket. “I’d suggest ya get ready. We might have some visitors soon.” he mumbled, reloading his gun in a rhythmic pace. You stared at him for a second, before looking back at the battlefield. It was then you noticed that most of your team was in respawn, and the danger settled immediately.

“Shit..” you pulled your goggles over your eyes, backing up slightly to be closer to the safety of the nest. You heard Engineer cock his shotgun preemptively, and your hands started to shake. There was a second of silence where you both stared ahead, waiting for the enemies to turn the corner. You looked at the Texan from the corner of your eye, and you noticed his hands were gripping the shotgun with such force you thought he could break it at any second.

There was thick silence, your heart raced with the knowing of what was about to come. For a second, you wondered if it was maybe a fluke, that they weren’t quite coming yet. But that thought was quickly shaken off as a singular grenade clattered into the clearing. You jumped back without thought, and it exploded, marking the start of the ambush.

The sentry beeped thrice, its nozzle snapping to someone behind you before bullets flew around the area. You immediately knew that the nest was surrounded. Running through the smoke of the explosion was the BLU Demoman, his sticky launcher in hand and ready to aim. From the corner came the BLU Soldier, rockets locked and loaded. Someone was behind you, but you weren’t able to see who it was through the chaos of the attack. 

You tried to bury your panic, aiming at the Demoman since he was the closest. Muscle memory overtook your system as you shot continuously, never lifting your finger off the trigger until his weapon left his hands and he collapsed. You stared at the man with wide eyes, before only just being able to avoid a shovel to the face as a BLU Soldier seemingly smashed into the ground out of nowhere beside you. You saw a glimpse of his eyes under his helmet, and he looked enraged. You scrambled backwards, trying to get away from the manic patriot as you fired a few blind shots at him in a panic. He dropped his shovel, taking out his shotgun and aiming it directly at you. Your stomach dropped, and you knew you were done for. You could already feel the weightlessness and subsequent horrifying crash of respawn teasing at your stomach. But, luck was on your side. The sentry stopped firing behind you, instead snapping towards Soldier and unleashing a tirade of bullets into his side. The man groaned in pain, before collapsing to the ground.

And then, it was quiet again. You shook feverishly, holding your gun tightly to your chest as you stared at the dead Soldier with wide eyes. Your mouth felt dry, and the unforgiving sun of the desert felt hotter than it ever had before. You tried to take a deep breath to calm yourself down, your eyes slowly scanning the area to make sure you really _were_ safe. And that’s when you noticed something else was wrong. Engineer was sitting with his back against the sentry, clutching his stomach with a glazed-over look. _Shit._

“Engie?” you asked nervously, walking towards him as your throat closed. You saw dark red blood seeping through the fabric of his uniform. He raised his head to look at you, a grimace on his face. At least he was conscious.

“Dispenser, is it up?” his voice was cracking with pain, and you looked around. Where the dispenser once stood was now a useless rubble of metal, and your stomach dropped.

“No.” you replied, and you could barely hear him curse under his breath.

“Get me a medkit, ‘n hurry.” He spoke after a short pause. You looked at him, before nodding, turning around and sprinting off. 

You weren’t sure where to look. You were in a part of Dustbowl you hadn’t been in before, and you were panicking. The sand crunching under your boots felt as if it wasn’t really there, and your breath felt short. No, _shit,_ this isn’t the time to panic. You had to help Engineer- he was depending on you. On _you_. You stopped running, clenching your hands into fists as you attempted to ground yourself.

It was then that you heard yelling around the corner. “Dummkopfs!” 

Medic.

You nearly stumbled over yourself as you sprinted into the building where you’d heard his voice come from, and saw a glimpse of his lab coat passing by the doorway as he stumbled backwards, seemingly running away. You grabbed his sleeve, yanking him into the room before shoving him behind you without a second thought.

“Vhat the hell?!” he sounded a lot more german when he was frazzled, and his eyes snapped to you with confused and misplaced anger. 

For a millisecond, that look caused you to falter. It was nothing like that cold, calculating look he’d given you during surgery, but it was like the polar opposite. Hot, fiery, and most probably leading into a painful stab in the stomach if you didn’t fess up. So, you did.

“Get to the point! Engineer needs healing!” your voice barely raised over the noise as a shower of bullets fired into the wall, rattling the old building with such force you thought it would break. Medic stared at you blankly, and you just grit your teeth “Go!”

He seemed to finally process what you wanted, turning around and running out of the building to where you came from. You grabbed your baton, dashing into the path where Medic had been before, in hopes of slowing down the attacker. However, it had not occurred to you that that attacker was a Heavy with a revved up minigun until your eyes met.

_Ah, shit._

Your feet smacked onto the ground heavily when you respawned, and you stumbled towards the wall gasping for air. The entire room was spinning, there were pinpricks through your entire body, and your head pounded. _How_ did anyone get used to this?! You swallowed back the bile, your nails digging into the hard brick as you screwed your eyes shut. _Damnit,_ why the hell did you just jump into the enemy?! You took a few sharp breaths, before pushing yourself away from the wall. It doesn’t matter- you were pretty sure it was enough of a distraction to have Medic be able to get to Engineer on time. Just in case, you took a blue medpack out of the general locker and hurried outside, your eyes sweeping the area for signs of danger.

That’s when you saw the teleporter, the red disc in the middle giving off a gentle, inviting glow. With slight hesitation, you stepped on it, testing the translucent platform with your boots before standing on it fully, clutching the medicine box to your chest. There was a second, where everything was fine, before the world started to rapidly spin around you. You bit your tongue to not get sick, nearly falling off of the damn thing when the world flashed white. You stumbled off of it, only just managing not to trip over your own feet as you tried to regain your balance. You blearily looked out of your eyes, seeing two men look at you. 

"Welcome back.” Engineer gave a firm nod as he spoke, then waved a dismissive hand at a disgruntled looking Medic. “I’m fine now, doc, you should get back to the battle.”

“Jawohl.” Medic replied, releasing the soft red beam that had been streaming over Engineer before giving you a strange look. You give a slow blink in response, feeling a little uncomfortable under his sharp gaze. “Where are they?”

_Oh, yeah. You forgot you could do that._

You looked around, seeing a few RED silhouettes at the previous point. “I think they’re trying to get the last point back.” Medic nodded, giving Engineer a quick glance before running off to where you’d seen Soldier go before. 

Medic was a strange man, you noted to yourself, watching his living body change into the same red lines that your teammates were. You’d be convinced he was pissed at you if you weren’t very well aware there was nothing you’d done to deserve that, and he didn’t seem the petty type. It wasn’t as if he was in a battle, anyway. Maybe he just didn’t like being caught empty-handed. Some kind of pride thing.

“Run into any trouble on yer way back?” Engineer snapped you out of your thoughts, the gentle clanking of his wrench against the metal toolbox echoing the area. He was probably setting up a new dispenser.

“Not on my way back.” you mumbled, sitting on a particularly large rock as you flicked your goggles back up. “I got taken out by a Heavy when I went to get Medic though, I’m guessing BLUs making their way over here.” Engineer nodded at your words, standing up a little straighter.

“You should get in a position to be on the er… ‘lookout’ then. A Soldier and Demo are one thing, but the Heavy is beefy.” you nodded, standing up on the rock as you looked around for somewhere to stand on which could give you a clear view of the area. Your gaze quickly landed on a sandy boulder, and you had no hesitation to scramble your way on top of it, squatting on the peak. You unclipped the binoculars from your belt and peered into them, scanning the area for any signs of life.

You could see a few of your teammates in the distance, seemingly in battle with what you could assume to be BLU Engineer and his nest. You saw your team’s Sniper inside of a tower, leering through his scope at an area you couldn’t quite get a good look at. Maybe you should ask Sniper to show you the best places to have an overview on the battlefield from? A sudden movement from the corner of your vision quickly dismissed that thought, and the bald head of the BLU Heavy came into view, a BLU Medic trailing close behind him, you lowered the binoculars.

“BLU Heavy and Medic approaching!” You called down to Engineer, who stiffened. 

“How long?”

“Minute or three, at most.”

He rolled his shoulders back, ticking an earpiece you hadn’t noticed before. “Snipes, can you get a gage on the Heavy-Medic combo?”

There was a silence, before you heard a soft-spoken response.

[“From where?”]

“Guessing next point. Lookout?”

You lifted the binoculars again, trying to gauge the distance, before clicking your ear piece on and replying “Two minutes away from current point, approaching from the next.” A red dot followed the ground behind the BLU pair after you spoke. Good, then Sniper could-

[“Bloody he-”]

The dot was gone.

You gave Engineer a look, and he grimaced. “Alrighty then, guess we’ve gotta do it the hard way. Get ready to fight, Lookout.” You nodded, grabbing a hold of one of your smoke grenades as you prepared to launch yourself.

The duo finally rounded the corner, and you threw a grenade down, thick red smoke quickly spreading around where the two stood. There was silence, before the minigun revved back up, followed by a sharp zap. The silhouettes stuck in the smoke seemed to glow, and you felt yourself stiffen. The BLUs stepped out, and the Heavy turned his minigun towards Engineer. 

There was something you noted, in the last few heartbeats that nothing happened, and that was that your enemies were shining a sky blue, shining with pure uncontained power. Both of them had a similar look of malice on their face, as if they’d already won. You looked at Engineer, who you’d expect to look angry, battle-ready, maybe even amused by their weird colour. But what you really found was something entirely different, snuffing out whatever hope of security you had in your chest.

He looked horrified.

“Shit! Lookout, run!” he quickly snapped, not even looking at you as he grabbed his wrench. You hesitated for a second, the Sentry retaliating the minigun for just a second, before it exploded into shrapnel.

Okay yeah, run it is.

You slid down the boulder, bits and pieces snagging your clothes as you stumbled onto your feet and broke into a sprint. Where should you go? Going back to the previous point was one place, but you reckoned that the rest of the BLU team would be coming from there, too. The next point it was, then.

The sounds of battle grew further and further away as you ran, before you ducked down and hid behind a boulder, your back slowly sliding down against the hard limestone walls that seemed to encase the area. You took a shaky breath, pressing your palms into your eyes as you tried to recollect your frazzled thoughts. Would Engineer be okay on his own, or did you just leave him to die? He did tell you to run, but still..

“YOU HAVE LOST THE CONTROL POINT.”

No doubt BLU would be coming over here soon. You could see the metal plate of the control point where you were sitting, and your stomach twisted. Damnit, what were you supposed to do now? You can’t defend it on your own!

You glanced to the right, seeing Soldier, Demoman, and Medic approach the just-captured point, and your hands gripped your knees. Damnit, if you’d just-

A leather boot gently tapped your other hip, you looked up.

“Are ye gonna sit down in a corner the entire match?” _Sniper._

“Um.. no, sorry. I was just waiting for- for Engineer.” your voice shook slightly, and you slowly got to your feet.

“Well you’d better hurry up then, he’s on his way.” He readjusted the rifle on his back, looking away from you as he scowled slightly. “Awful cowardly of ya to run away.”

“I wasn’t- he told me to-” _What?_ Your face grew hot, embarrassed, I mean, sure that’s how it looked to others, but Sniper couldn’t really believe that-

And he was walking away, okay! Okay then! Goodbye Sniper!

Dick.

You discarded the anger at your teammate as you saw Engineer approach the area, looking like he’d just fought a bear, which in this case was a pretty close bet. You quickly jogged over to him, and he gave a huff in acknowledgement. 

“Alrighty, we gotta make the nest ‘s quick as possible. I dunno how long Soldier ‘n Demo will be able to keep ‘m off.” He spoke as he plopped down a toolbox from seemingly nowhere, working a tad slower than he had before. “Could you..” he paused for a moment, quickly glancing over his shoulder, before sighing and continuing. “Could you fetch me some metal? I know there’s some in the lil’ shed over there.” He waved a tired hand.

“Yeah, ‘course.” you replied “Anything else? You seem.. On edge.”

“Nah..” he trailed off, glancing over his shoulder again before shaking his head curtly. “Nah, never mind, bein’ paranoid.”

“Alright..” You made sure the disbelief was clear in your voice as you gave him one last look, before jogging off in the direction of the shed. There was slight guilt nagging at the back of your head when you thought of the state Engineer was in. He seemed absolutely frazzled, which is to be expected after battling a seemingly invincible opponent, but he did _command_ you to run. Still, it felt wrong, you could’ve done something to help. Maybe Sniper’s judgement wasn’t completely off-base.

Speaking of Sniper, he was in the shed. Yippee.

The Australian looked at you as he raised an eyebrow. He seemed to open his mouth to speak, but you quickly turned away, rummaging through the boxes for the metal Engineer was asking for. Don’t even give him the _chance_ to ask what you were doing, this time being away from Engineer was completely justified! You weren’t being babysat, you were helping him! You were- 

You felt your arm be grabbed and twisted behind you, locking it out of place and completely useless. You tried to twist it loose, attempting to push the assailant away to no avail. Something sharp pressed against your neck, and you completely froze any form of struggling. 

“You really would leave the laborer alone in a battlefield twice?” a voice that most definitely wasn’t Sniper turned your blood ice cold. The familiar RED uniform dissolved into blue, and your brain finally caught up that it wasn’t an ally you were with.

It was the BLU spy.

“Get off me!” You spat the second your brain caught up, grabbing the arm he held the knife with with your free hand in hopes to shove him off of you by force, but he didn’t budge.

“ _Mais non!_ This is our first time meeting, Lookout, aren’t you excited?” He asked, the smugness in his voice clear as he pushed his knife further against your throat. “I heard many things about your class, I was very interested in doing a little experiment with you.”

Your struggling stopped, just temporarily, as you frowned “An experiment?”

“ _Yes_ , wasn’t there something about you being.. Mm.. _robotic?_ ” His words brought a distant anger to the front of your brain, something misplaced, a memory you lost, but you still couldn’t quite recall, you bared your teeth kicked his shins as hard as you could.

To your surprise, he staggered slightly, his grasp only loosening just enough for you to be able to rip your arm free and twist around. It was in the middle of this notion, however, that you felt a blunt object slam down against your head, disorienting you.

You managed to shove him away, grasping your belts and buckles for any kind of weapon, only barely able to get a hold of your trusty SMG as you sneered at the blurry BLU uniform in front of you.

He was smirking.

Why was he-

Pain.

Blistering white hot pain travelling from the roots of your hair into your spine to the tips of your toes. It pulsated, like a stormy wave crashing against the rocks of a cliff. Your weapon fell to the ground with a clatter, your hands trembling as you tried to pat yourself down to get it back, because where had it gone?

But your arms couldn’t move, it was like they were locked in place, no matter how much you commanded them to move, they didn’t. You tried to open your mouth to call for help, you couldn’t. Every breath you took felt like it was turning into a ball inside your chest, uncomfortably expanding and expanding but never properly deflating. The Spy was nothing but a vague blue shape now, twisting and turning with the orange desert outside as it all bled into one whole mass.

It was horrifying.

You could barely register your knees hitting the ground as you focused on gasping for air, your eyes feeling like they had been peeled open and dried out as you tried to keep your gaze on Spy, making sure he couldn’t come close.

Although, you doubted you had the ability to look at anything else right now.

The pain started sending shocks through your shoulder blades, zapping every fibre muscle like it was cooking you alive. Your lower back ached, trying to force you down, further and further, as if you were slowly turning into a puddle where you stood.

And honestly, if humans could spontaneously turn into puddles, that’s what it would feel like.

The feeling slowly dulled, but so did everything else in your body. You couldn’t _feel_ anything, no emotion, no pain, not even your body on the ground. A husk on yourself, left to dry out with barely any consciousness behind the eyes, all it could do was tremble and gasp for air, desperate to feel anything.

You don’t know how long you lied there, but when Engineer found you, the Spy was long gone.

“What in Sam Hell..” you could barely make out his voice. It sounded like you were underwater, deep in the depths, and he was standing at the edge of the sea. You felt a foot gently shove you onto your back, and you could make out the vague shape of his bright yellow construction helmet against the dark roof. You felt something gently scrape the top of your head, before a burst of pinpricks reverberated against your skull. You flinched.

“Lookout? Lookout, can you hear me?” His voice sounded a lot less distant, and your vision slowly started to clear, but you just couldn’t find the strength to pull yourself back into your body. You slowly closed your eyes as you nodded, the only movement you could seemingly manage.

“Can you move?”

You shook your head no.

“Can you speak?”

You shook your head again.

“..Do you want me to send you to respawn?”

You nodded.

Silence..

_BANG!_

You were ripped from the ground, flung into the black nothingness as you scrambled to take back consciousness before it dropped you back on the floor. And when the waking world returned to you, you instantly slammed against the locker to feel again. Pain- but normal pain, blossomed against your face as you took a deep breath. The world was still spinning, sure, but god had you never before been so overjoyed to feel like you were put inside of a mixologist’s cup.

And, hand in hand with that joy, came rage, _bloodlust,_ even.

How _dare_ that god damn french blue-wearing bastard _dare_ do that to you? The nerve! The gall! There was a red haze over your eyes as you grabbed your baton. You were going to _bash_ every single blue head in even if it sent you to respawn over and over and over again. Any common sense had been thrown out of the window, all that there was left was a lust for vengeance.

You could barely tell where your feet were going with every step you took. The hot air of the desert only fueled the heat drumming inside your body, pushing you forward, fueling you. And there you spotted, a lone BLU, and even more satisfyingly, a BLU Scout. The BLU Scout noticed you only a millisecond before your baton slammed into his face and hurled him backwards, his limp body rolling through the sand.

For a second, you thought you’d instantly knocked him out, but he jumped back to his feet before you could turn away, a big grin on his face. “Alright then, bring it on!” his voice didn’t seem mocking, but more challenging. Was this a game to him? It didn’t matter anyway, as he grabbed his bat and sprinted towards you, there was only one thing on your mi-

“YOU FAILED.”

Wait..

His bat frazzled blue and his grin seemingly faltered in the same frame that his bat connected with your head and flung you into a wall, your vision snapped away from you.

_You died?_

Your feet slamming on the ground confirmed that yes, he killed you in one hit, but you were too pissed off to notice, so you let out an enraged scream, dropping to your knees as you smacked your fist into the floor.

And you noticed very quickly that Scout- _RED’s_ Scout, soon joined your tantrum as he kicked his locker repeatedly and cursed.

Demoman, Spy, and Sniper were there too, but they just watched. 

You let out a huff, leaning back on your heels as you crossed your arms, besides Scout’s loud tantrum, everyone else seemed oddly quiet, only making sound when they put their weapons into their lockers.

That was, until Soldier respawned.

“WE FAILED, MEN.” He immediately yelled, and you just slowly rose to your feet, keeping your head low. “THIS WILL NOT DO! ARE WE TURNING INTO SISSIES? NO!” You just put your stuff back into your own locker, resting your forehead against the door when you closed it as you tried to ignore Soldier’s screaming and wait for your other teammates to show up. “YOU! SCOUT! WHAT WAS THAT PERFORMANCE! YOU CONNECTED NO SHOTS!”

“God! It’s not my fault da-” Scout was cut off as Soldier turned to the next one.

“SPY! WHY WEREN’T YOU TRYING TO SAP THE BUILDINGS?” Spy just glared at Soldier, took a drag of his cigarette, then turned away with a roll of his eyes.

Then Soldier turned towards you.

“AND YOU! DON’T THINK NO ONE NOTICED YOU DISAPPEARED. HOW DARE YOU HIDE AWAY FROM THE ENTIRE MATCH!” Your lips drew into a fine line.

“I didn’t want to be gone, you know.” bitterness dripped from your tone, and before Soldier could retort, a since respawned Texan spoke up behind you.

“Can confirm that, Solly. Lookout was sapped in the shed, guessin’ for the duration that we hadn’t seen ‘er.” There was a long silence.

“Sapped?”

Spy seemed shocked, when you looked at him he frowned slightly, glanced between Engineer and you, then shook his head. “That’s.. How?”

“‘M guessin’ it has somethin’ to do with that eye ‘o hers, maybe it hadn’t been given an anti-sap function, either way, the BLU’s have figured that out already.” Engineer replied sharply, giving you a short pat on the shoulder. There was an attempt of comfort, but all the rage had slowly drained away to leave you tired to the bone.

You were just going to go to bed early again, tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PATCH NOTES Chapter 3:  
> \- Added fear of doctors  
> \- Added fear of infirmaries  
> \- Added nostalgia for former team  
> \- Removed ability to see body  
> \- Updated localization files
> 
> Here's some chapter-specific art just for you:  
> [That's not Sniper](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/730433826660024390/788845597669982278/gasp.png)
> 
> [Sir I've been sapped](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/730433826660024390/788837877915451422/lookout_wake_up.png)
> 
> (Read Tails Gets Trolled, coward.)


	6. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment of downtime for our poor Lookout, and trouble off-duty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Very slight sexism

You were waist deep into the snow, barely managing to swim forward as you saw your teammates’ glowing silhouettes run further away. You opened your mouth to yell out to them, to beg them to come back and help you, but no word escaped your lips. You were trapped- and no one was going to save you. You dug your hands into the snow, its skin flushed bright red with frostbite as you tried to crawl forward, hopelessly kicking your feet for any chance. With enough struggle, the ice that held your feet down gave way, letting you escape from the hole you’d found yourself in as you continued onward. Suddenly, you heard a rumble, and you glanced over your shoulder with fear in your heart, you knew what it was. An avalanche.

Or well, it could have been, but as you woke up, it felt like a whole lot of nothing. You opened your eyes to see your room completely swallowed into the darkness of the night, the only indication of the time being your alarm clock that read 19:33.

At first, you were tempted to roll over and fall back asleep. After all, you still felt like utter garbage from this day’s fight. However, when you attempted to do so a set of knocks shook you from your drowse. 

You thought of ignoring it, and you almost did, rolling your back towards the door and covering the sheets over your head, but another set of knocks and a voice decided to take you away from that plan.

“Lookout? Is Heavy. Can I come in?”

You weren’t grumpy enough to give Heavy of all people the cold shoulder, so begrudgingly you sat up and clicked on the lamp beside your bed, responding a tired “Door’s open.”

The door creaked open slightly, and you assumed it was so he could peek inside before actually opening the door. As promised, there stood Heavy, awkwardly hunched under the door frame. You’d nearly laugh, but as it would both be rude and you didn’t have the energy to do so, you just gave him a tired smile. “What’s up?”

Heavy walked into the room, curiously looking around before looking at you. “Heavy noticed you had bad time after battle. What happen?” 

You grimaced. Of course it had been that apparent, huh? You just shrugged, pulling your knees to your chest. “It’s.. nothing, really. I was just overreacting.” You looked away from him, letting out a curt sigh. “I’m fine.”

Heavy was quiet, before approaching you. “When sisters say that they are fine, they are not fine. May I sit?” you glanced back at him, half-shrugged and nodded.

He sat down near the foot end of your bed, the entire mattress dipping with the sheer size of him. He kept a respectful distance with the room he had, then turned towards you. “Tell Heavy what happened.”

You blinked in surprise. His tone wasn’t all that demanding, but something about the way he intonated them.. Seemed to nearly command you to start talking. So you did.

“Well.. er.. I don’t know.” you hesitated, your eyes flicking back and forth from Heavy to the wall behind him. He shrugged.

“Take your time, Heavy is patient.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, sorting your thoughts into neat boxes that you could properly spit out. With a nearly trembling voice, you spoke.

“Well, I don’t know. I just feel that I’m not.. Good enough for this team.” Heavy’s eyebrows raised slightly, but he didn’t speak, so you continued. “I wasn’t really.. Of much use this match. I couldn’t help Engineer defend his nest at all and I disappeared for most of the fight. I know that part’s not really my fault since I was trapped, but still..” your voice wavered slightly at the end. You faintly remembered Sniper’s judging words, despite the chance that “Sniper” was just the same BLU Spy trying to get you to be upset, they still stung. If making you insecure was the intention, it worked.

"Ah, I understand now." Heavy's grumble took you out of your spiralling sense of self-doubt, adjusting how the sat to turn towards you. "Heavy gets how you feel, he was once struggling with keeping up on new field, like you."

" _You?" Heavy_ of all people, struggling? It seemed nearly blasphemous. Even as he sat on your bed, as casual as one can be, the large Russian held an air of prominence and power. He seemed like he could slam dunk you even if he were fast asleep! He let out an amused huff at the incredulous look on your face, rolling his shoulders back slightly.

"Do not look so surprised! Yes, Heavy struggled." His eyes grew wistful, as if he were delving far back into his memory. He let out a curt sigh. "Yes, yes, I remember. Heavy's first days on battlefield were not good. Heavy has big gun, you notice Sascha, yes?" He made an expanding motion with his hands, raising his eyebrow at you. You nodded, and he continued.

"When Heavy first joined RED, he thought of himself as big strong man, still had full head of hair." He chuckled to himself, shaking his head. "But he was not very good, even with big gun, Heavy was not good at killing at all. Every shot missed, even on other Heavy! He- I was very sad, and during battle I talk to Doktor. Doktor tells Heavy- he tells me-" Heavy pauses for a second, clears his throat, then continues in a German accent creepily close to what Medic sounded like.

"If you want to get better, don’t be such a baby and do it! Now GET ON ZE POINT!"

You jumped as he suddenly yelled, and he laughed, giving your shoulder a slightly too hard pat before continuing in his normal voice. "I never forget, Doktor's words were very.. mm.. what is the word, appreciated? _Da._ Even if his choice of words were.. rude, he did not mean them as direct he said. It took very long time, but now Heavy is much better, and Doktor had patience for it." He paused, then looked at you directly "Do not feel shame for not immediately being good, RED team have been fighting for very long time, this is second battle for you. You have much to learn still, but your team will not hold this against you. Is good team."

Heavy looked straight at you, giving a small reassuring smile before patting your head carefully, as if it would scare you away. You sighed, before returning the smile, averting your eyes. “Thanks, Heavy.” it made you feel a little better, despite the nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you that the rest of your team would not share this same sentiment, but you didn’t want to share that out loud. Last you’d want to do is have someone lose their patience with you when he was kind.

“It is no problem.” he seemed to debate what to say for a second, before tilting his head “Will you be eating dinner tonight?”

You hesitated, before shrugging “I.. don’t know, I might just go back to sleep. I’m really.. Tired.”

Heavy nodded in understanding, standing up “I understand, I will set plate for you anyway, if you change mind.” 

“Alright, see you, Heavy.” you gave him a short wave as he left your room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You let his words settle in your brain, staring at the door quietly. Maybe he was right. You couldn’t be as good as people who have been doing this for months already. But you were also used to this kind of environment, so the amount of failures you supposedly brought still felt damning. Then again, in your former field of work there was no _respawn,_ no _über_ , no _Medi Gun_. Maybe it was the type of battle you had to get used to, not the battling.

You had to let that thought stew for now.

With a sigh, you pushed yourself off of your bed. Heavy was at least right on one thing, the thing being that you should eat dinner. As much as you’d try to deny eating to get more time to sulk, you were still a _bit_ hungry. Besides, it was good to test the theory whether your team despised you for your incompetence or not.

You left your room and entered the dining hall, lingering at the doorway as you looked inside. Everyone was already getting their share, loudly bickering and laughing among each other. You couldn’t help but hesitate. It felt ostracizing, to look at them from an outsiders point and see what appeared to be a close-knit group of friends. You almost turned around.

Luckily, Heavy, god bless his soul, noticed you before you could do so, waving you over. “Lookout! Come! Come sit here, is place for you!” As he’d promised, there was one empty seat beside him, set as if he’d anticipated you’d come. You couldn’t help but smile slightly.

Surprisingly, no one really responded to your arrival, as if it were just a normal everyday occurrence. This should be the reaction you would expect, but the nagging voice at the back of your head told you that it was off. Before you could have an internal argument, Engineer turned towards you with a polite nod.

“You sleep alright?” he asked, handing you the spoon to serve yourself some potatoes with “I came by your room earlier today, but you were out like a light!” He laughed shortly, and you politely followed, half-concentrating on getting a particularly slippery potato out of the bowl.

“Sorry, I was really tuckered out after that battle. Nearly fell asleep in the shower before!” you replied, finally giving up and just grabbing it with your hand. “Did you need anything though?”

“Nahh.” Engineer half-motioned with his hand “I thought you’d want to see the blueprints you were interested in earlier, but we can look at that during the weekend. Don’t want your brain to start fizzlin’ out now, do we?”

You laughed, shaking your head. While serving yourself some (arguably pathetic) salad, a loud conversation between Demo and Scout caught your attention.

“Ay, boy, you talk a lotta shite about jumpin’ real high, but compared to me yer nothin’ bu’ a splashin’ lil’ carp.” Demo countered to an argument from Scout you’d just missed, a smug look on his features. From what you could gage, he _appeared_ to be winning, but that could just be what he looks like.

“Yeah right! If I had bombs- or or rockets, I could jump way higher dan you all! I’d be in the- in the galaxy!” Scout waved with his arms, the food on the fork he was still holding flying over the table and flicking directly onto an unamused Spy’s face.

“Ya mean the stratosphere?” Demo laughed.

“Das what I said!” Scout put the empty fork in his mouth, pulled it out in confusion, then looked at Spy. “Erruh, sorry.” He slumped back into his chair.

Spy scoffed, flicking the food off of his face. “I agree with Demoman. If any of you had the same weapon to jump, he would go higher.”

“You’re shittin’ me!” Scout yelled, back to motioning wildly. “I already jump real high! A sticky launcher would just make me go to the moon!”

“Ya need a bit of mass, boy!” Demo replied, grinning from ear to ear “I mean muscle! Sure ya can go high, but a jump only counts if you land on yer feet! Otherwise it’s just fallin’!”

“I can jump just fine!” Scout scoffed, then frowned. “But what about Heavy? He can’t jump for shit! And he’s all mass!”

“Heavy can jump high.” Heavy replied, crossing his arms “Heavy just doesn’t want to.”

“Yeah right big guy, I’d like to see ya jump first!” Scout paused, then looked at Medic “What about Medic! He has the same mass as me, and I see him get launched all the time!”

Medic scoffed “If you think I am as stickish as you then you must really underestimate me. I think if you want to get closer to _your_ mass, you’d have to look at Lookout.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to you.

_Wuh oh._

He frowned, thinking, then shook his head. “Nah, you can’t compare Lookout to me! She’s weaker, because she’s um..” his face blanked. Everyone’s gazes turned to Scout.

“You really wanna finish that sentence, boy?” Engineer asked. Scout visibly blanked at his words, glancing between you and Engineer before throwing his hands up.

“All I’m saying is, you can’t compare _me.. to_ a _girl._ ”

You could feel your face darken, and without a second thought, you spoke “Yeah, ‘cause I’m far above you, and you know it.”  
  


He stared right at you, and that’s when you realized, _you fucked up._

“ _Yeah right,_ what’s your proof huh, newbie? You gonna beat me in amounts of times died? ‘Cause uhh, I can give you a quick heads up, you’re winning.” He crossed his arms in self-satisfaction, but you decided to go down with this ship.

“Oh excuse me, were we talking about the battle field here? ‘Cause I dunno ‘bout you, but that’s pure fuckin’ circumstance.” You hissed, glaring at him “You really wanna see who's better? Beat me in a one to one fistfight like a ‘man’ _._ ” 

“Oh yeah? Bring it on!” Scout nearly jumped up from his chair, but Demo held him down with one strong hand, giving him a hard glare.

“Not right now, ye pesky mutt.” the scot hissed, before giving you a supportive nod. “Ah think we’re all in for seein’ the speedy bastard get his ass handed to ‘im, but not while respawn’s not fully runnin’. We need everyone tae be healthy on the battlefield tomorrow.”

“ _AGREED!_ ” Soldier, who had been surprisingly quiet, yelled out. “You will have to fight like true Americans in your _FREE TIME!_ Which is the weekend! And you should also let us know! Because we want to watch!”

“Fine by me.” you leaned back in your chair, catching Heavy’s amused look in the corner of your eye as you continued eating. 

“Yeah! Whudeva!” Scout replied snarkily, sending you a glare before shoveling food down his throat.

After a short silence, conversation continued as normal, as if it had never even happened. You sighed, your gaze dropping to your now empty plate as you tried to soak in what consequences you’d now have to face.

Admittedly, you think you could easily take Scout, but you had absolutely _no_ idea what his fighting style was. It could be something novice, or something that you’ve never seen before. This was gonna be something else.

Then again, you did have another fight tomorrow. Maybe you could try and practice on BLU Scout? He seemed to be pretty excited to get into a melee battle before, so if you just found a way to bait out a one-on-one.. Maybe you needed some fresh air to mull this over a bit more.

You excused yourself from the table, ignoring the last nasty look Scout shot you (at this point you were convinced that somehow you’d hurt his pride.) and left the building via the main entrance. 

You took a deep breath, the sharp cold air of the desert prickling your lungs. It was strange. You were used to the cold, hell, it should be the hot desert air that put you off, but something about this _chilliness_ felt wrong. It was like it was cold, but not supposed to be. You shrugged it off, taking a look around.

There was mostly a whole lot of nothing, and you assumed the base was just plopped down here so it would be out of view from any actual living people. Besides a few cacti and boulders, there wasn’t much scenery to be perceived. You wondered what the nearest town would look like, and how far it would be. Is there any living society even near here? You digress.

As your eyes followed along the horizon, you noticed a certain iron fence close to the base. It took you a second, but you quickly realized that it was the outskirts of the battlefield. It was surprisingly closer than you thought it would be, but it did make sense in a way. Respawn was only under the building, so the battlefield being just a few meters away wouldn’t be a strange discovery.

But there was something strange, a part of the fence seemed to be disconnected, as if it were.. Open? Slowly you approached, seeing more and more of the fence come into view. That part did show to be the gate, but why was it open? Surely during the evening they’d close it so no one could come in?

Yet, the promise of exploring the battlefield off-hours was too enticing for you to ignore. You threw a quick glance over your shoulder, then slipped in after making sure no one was watching.

You felt a whirring inside your head, and your eye automatically clicked on. Were there sensors on the edge of the field to make it do that, or does it just do that on its own? You glanced behind you, seeing the silhouettes of your teammates still seated around the dinner table. One of them (you were assuming Engineer, from the slouch alone) seemed to be gathering plates. You smiled slightly to yourself, before looking back into your new and empty playing field.

It was surprisingly peaceful when there was no one around. The sturdy wooden ledges and high boulders looked like promising resting places. The ground was soft, supporting every step you took as you went further in. You wondered for a second if there was someone who cleaned everything up after the battles were done. Then again, nearly everything that happened with this mercenary war seemed nearly magical, so there was probably some secret solution Medic and Engineer thought up to take care of the mess.

As you got further in, you noticed the shack that Spy sapped you in before. You bit your tongue, sending the innocent wooden structure a bitter look. This was a _problem_ , surely? You wouldn’t think that Mann. Co would just let one enemy be able to overpower and shut out one of their mercenaries that easily? Maybe there was something you could do about it, like a special weapon. 

You sighed, stashing that idea in the back of your mind for now. You weren’t sure entirely how getting new weapons worked just yet, and you weren’t quite ready to find out. It was your second day working after all, you can’t just make demands with the higher ups. (Although, a very strongly worded letter about this supreme bullshit would be in order).

Deep in thought, you walked up the stairs of a high structure. It seemed to look like a place where Sniper would hang out, high above everything, with a great sightline. It seemed like the perfect place to relax in general, which seemed to have been someone else’s idea as well.

You blinked in surprise at the other person who was sitting on the ledge, now turned towards you. It seemed to be Engineer, but judging by the fact he did not give off a red glow, it wasn’t _your_ Engineer.

“Oh, sorry-” you backed up slightly, a feeling of horror creeping up your back at the sight of an enemy. The BLU Engineer seemed surprised, but didn’t move an inch.

“‘S no problem, ma’am.” he replied in the typical Texan drawl, scratching the back of his head. “Would you mind leavin’ me alone? I’m tryna relax here.”

“Yeah- Yeah of course.” you nearly tumbled over your feet running back down the stairs, your heart hammering in your chest. Well, he wasn’t that much of a _threat_ , but you supposed that would give you an answer to why the gate was open. But on _our_ side? Just what would a BLU Engineer be doing so close to the base?

You decided that you’d had enough of exploring dustbowl for now. You didn’t feel entirely safe, even with the ceasefire this one BLU seemed to give off. As far as you were concerned, one of them could mean many.

But as you trudged back towards the gate, you noticed a figure standing in the opening, looking around with an expression you couldn’t quite tell from the lack of lighting. You could however tell it was Medic, so that was going to be fun.

“Er- Lookout?” he called out, pushing the gate further open with a slight creak “Is that you?”

“Yeah, sorry, was exploring a little.” You sheepishly replied, climbing up the small slope to stand a respectful distance from Medic. He frowned slightly, shook his head, then looked further on.

“Have you seen Pyro? He usually eats outside, but he hasn’t come back yet.” Medic continued, walking into the field as if that would give him more vision. That was a more legitimate explanation to why the gate would be open, but that added another curiosity to how the BLU Engineer got in. Maybe they have their own gate?

Soldier behind you, surprisingly stealthily for someone so.. “He was not inside of the respawn room!” he yelled, before seemingly realizing you were there. “Oh, hello Lookout! We are dealing with a JACK DOE right now! Report for duty!” He ran off. You gave Medic a questioning look.

“We’ve been looking for him.” Medic clarified, pinching the bridge of his nose. You took a sharp breath, then frowned.

“I think I could find him.. My eye turned on when I walked in here.”

Medic froze, then slowly turned towards you. “Your..” he paused, then widened his eyes “Auch! I completely forgot! Of course!” he seemed to relax slightly. “Could you come bring him then?”

You nodded, turning your gaze to sweep over the low-floored desert. There were several red shapes moving, but you had to assume that those were not the one you were looking for. An odd form in the back of the field near respawn caught your eye. It seemed to be hunched over and lying down.

“I think.. Over there.” you started jogging away without any input, Medic soon following after you. With careful steps the form grew bigger and bigger, and as you got close you were confirmed that it was indeed Pyro, but not in a good state.

The firebug seemed to be balled up in a hole, cradling his leg. You weren’t surprised Soldier couldn’t find him, you barely saw him with how well he blended in with his surroundings.

“Hey Pyro.” you carefully greeted, and he shot upright, seemingly surprised. You hesitated. He looked frazzled, covered in dust and what seemed to be porcelain shards of a plate. “You okay?”

Pyro stared at you, before shaking his head, pointing frantically at his ankle and yelling something incoherent. Medic peeked over the edge of the hole as well.

“Did you fall in and hurt your ankle?” you practically guessed, feeling slightly relieved yet concerned when he nodded, his head turning between you and Medic. The German sighed.

“I will go and get my Medi Gun. Can you get Pyro out of this hole for me? I will be right back.” before you could get any words of protest in, he jogged off, presumably going to do what he said he would. Pyro looked at you expectantly.

“Okay.. um..” You sat on your knees, assessing the situation. “I think.. Okay, Pyro?” Pyro tilted his head “I need you to try and stand on the foot that doesn’t hurt, okay? Just keep your- don’t stand on your bad foot!” Pyro flinched at the quick snap, wobbling as he balanced on one leg.

“Alright..” you paused, assessing the damage. If he could just put his foot there.. Then.. “Okay, I’m going to try and lift you out, alright? I need you to put your working foot against the wall of the hole when you can and _launch_ yourself out towards me. Do you think you could do that?”

Pyro seemed to hesitate at your words, mumbling out something muffled before spreading out his arms and giving you a trusting nod. You sat up to rest your feet flat against the ground, crouching down to hook your arms under his, and then pulled up. You heard a loud scrabble, before stumbling backwards as you successfully managed to drag him out of the pit. You could hear a yelp of pain come from the other merc as he tried to balance himself, stumbling around to avoid hurting his ankle any more. 

With a little bit of trouble, you managed to carefully get him to sit down on the ground without having to throw him off, letting out a curt sigh. The Pyro tilted his head at you, before doing a strange motion with his hands. You blinked.

Pyro did it again, and you carefully followed the movement. Flat hand, palm turned towards him, then the hand went down. He yelled out something muffled, which sounded an awful lot like..

“Thank you?” you asked, and he clapped in joy, nodding. You smiled slightly, sitting down in front of him. “No problem! I don’t know much of um.. Sign language, sadly.” He gave a thumbs up, shrugging. You paused, then looked at his ankle. He seemed to be holding it tightly, protectively, and definitely as if it hurt. 

A quick set of footsteps alerted you to Medic’s approach, followed shortly by Heavy and Soldier. Heavy laughed curtly.

“See Doktor, she can get Pyro free just fine!” he remarked, giving Medic a playful elbow in the side. Medic rolled his eyes.

“Yes yes, I didn’t doubt that. Pyro, do you need the Medi Gun?” Medic turned his attention to Pyro, who nodded in response. You slowly stood up when he turned the beam on him, giving them a small wave.

“Well, I guess that’s all for me tonight then.” you remarked. The others nodded, but Soldier most animatedly of all.

“Good night! Thank you for finding and helping your fellow soldier! I would give you a badge of honor, but I do not have one! So you have to take my thanks!” he half-yelled, and you laughed.

“Thank you sir, I appreciate it.” You gave him a tired salute, and he seemed to gleam with pride. With a smile, you walked back to the base.

This time, you’d fall asleep much happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the words of the engineer from "the amazing interrogation": I'm back. Nice!
> 
> I probably won't keep up this frequent of an upload schedule, but I wanted some fun times! some cute times! let's go! so much negativity lately, with da rona, let's just have a nice... fun time! Honestly I really struggled writing this, but at least it's out, eh?


	7. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last battle of the week, and Lookout is out for REVENGE!

The snow barrelling towards you drummed in the distance as you broke out into a sprint. You gasped for air, every step of your feet against the ice sending shockwaves through your entire system. You were so, so tired, but you had to make sure you got to your teammates. You could still see the orange lights flickering up ahead, and you knew that if you just kept running, you could make it. You glanced behind you, seeing the avalanche grow closer and closer, but it would never be fast enough to catch you. Or so you hoped.

You woke up with a short gasp as your alarm angrily beeped at you, ripping you away from that piece of dream as always. You let out an annoyed groan, slamming your hand flat on the button before sitting up.

All things considered, you felt pretty well rested for once. It could be because you’d slept well over twelve hours in total, or because of the slightly more positive tone before you tucked in, but you were ready to start the day either way. There was something you had on your mind after all, something you  _ had _ to do today.

Take revenge.

You mulled over this as you got dressed, thinking in what way you could do it. It was quite obvious that what that BLU Spy had done could not just be forgiven as self-defense. Okay, that’s not entirely fair. It was a hard counter to what  _ you _ do, sure, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t piss you the fuck off.

You were still deep in thought as you walked into the dining hall, barely noticing nearly the entire team already seated and eating breakfast until one of them spoke up.

“I’m startin’ to think y’ain’t a morning person.” Engineer spoke with a chuckle, startling you from your thoughts and nearly making you jump. You blink, glancing at him in confusion, before realizing what he said and only feeling flustered.

“It’s my thinking face.” You mumble with an embarrassed smile, grabbing the nearly empty pot of coffee and pouring yourself a cup, before sitting at the table beside Demoman, who squinted at you.

“‘S what ye said last time, lass, but it’s damn threatenin’.” Demo spoke, handing you a plate “What do ye even have to think about?” 

You shrug, piling a few pieces of bread onto it and beginning your breakfast. “Just a revenge plan, battle plan, what I’m going to do today.” you answer between bites.

“Speakin’ ‘bout battle plans.” Engineer piped up, turning to you “I’m thinkin’ it’s best you’re off on your own again today. I’m tryin’ a new technique with some mini-sentries, and I’ll probably be in the mid of battle constantly. I don’t think you’ll be up for that right now.” he seemed apologetic as he spoke, but you just waved your hand dismissively.

“That’s fine, I’ll see if I can get some sort of plan going on my own. I shouldn’t be relying on you too much, anyway.” you assured him, anxiety nipping at the back of your head.  _ Alright, solo op, this’ll be interesting. _

“THIRTY MINUTES”

You’d already finished breakfast by the time the announcement came. You stood up with a sigh, rethinking everything.  _ Right, _ so you couldn’t rely on Engineer today- at least not directly. Was there someone else you could help out? You could already see your ass get beat several times if you were completely alone.

You grabbed your weapons out of your locker, closing the door before jumping as the person previously hidden behind the open door was revealed.  _ Spy _ . The RED one, obviously, but it still took all your might to not clock him instantly from pure association alone. The Spy raised his eyebrow, before folding his hands behind his back.

“It seems you are alone today.” he spoke, tilting his head to the side and glancing between you and someone in the distance. You narrowed your eyes, looking between him and where he appeared to be looking. 

“Yeah..?”

“I happen to know a teammate you could help out who would gladly assist you in your.. Revenge plan. I am sure a certain firebug would appreciate your anger.” he continued, and you just dumbly blinked at him. There was a moment of very, very awkward silence, before he blatantly motioned towards Pyro.

“OH, Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks.” you hurriedly spoke, backing off and turning away from Spy.  _ Jesus Christ, _ that man does  _ not  _ know how to get to the point. You jogged over to Pyro, who looked up from adjusting the pouch on his belt as you approached, tilting his head inquisitively.

“Hey, uh, Pyro.” you started, giving him a half-smile before continuing “I was wondering if I could stick with you today? I heard that uh, that you’re really good at finding the BLU Spy, and I’d really like to have a ‘word’ with him.” you made quotation marks before scratching the back of your neck sheepishly. The Pyro seemed to process this, before giving you an excited nod and a thumbs up.

“SIXTY SECONDS”

You nearly jumped, barely having heard the initial ‘ten minutes’ before as you looked at Pyro, a grin growing on your face. He jumped up from the bench, grabbing his flamethrower and giving you a friendly pat on the shoulder, before running towards the gate. You followed close by, catching Engineer’s curious glance with a determined smile before looking straight ahead.

“TEN SECONDS LEFT”

The time to be afraid has passed, you only had one thing on your mind; catch that Spy, and give him a taste of his own medicine. You grabbed your SMG and square your shoulders.

“FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE, FIGHT!”

The familiar siren echoed over the battlefield, and the second the gate opened, Pyro was off. You almost stumbled over your feet in surprise as he dashed away, but quickly came to match his pace, even having to slow yourself down slightly to make sure you stayed by him.

“Hello, Lookout!” Soldier joined your other side, giving a big grin as you looked at him in surprise. You were about to reply, but he aimed his rocket launcher at his feet and blasted into the air, leaving you in a cloud of dust.

You glanced at Pyro, expecting him to react in some way, but he just trotted into the building ahead, motioning you to follow. He seemed to have some sort of plan, maybe to lure the Spy out in some way? Whatever it was, Pyro wouldn’t tell you, not that you’d be able to understand what he’d say anyway.

The second you’d entered the room, the area seemed to fill with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. You weren’t sure what it was, but every nerve in your body was flaring for you to run. Pyro seemed to notice too, quickly looking around before patiently trotting up the stairs. You were about to follow, but something felt  _ off _ . The air was being disturbed, like there was some invisible thing exerting its prowess without you being able to see it. You hesitated, your foot barely hitting the step when you heard it.

It was a sharp ‘ _ whoosh’, _ like wind rustling through the leaves. Your heart stopped. It was the exact same sound you’d heard yesterday, when the BLU Spy’s disguise of Sniper had vanished. Time seemed to slow as you unclasped the baton from your pant leg and swung backwards, every inch of your body relying on pure muscle memory.

You heard a solid  _ THUNK _ as your weapon seemed to hit  _ something _ behind you, your entire arm prickling with the force behind your movement. There was a loud clatter of metal dropping to the floor, and your vision finally seemed to clear enough to see the BLU Spy’s disguise flicker. You managed to turn fully, slamming down your weapon onto his head. He yelped in pain, scrambling backwards and barely managing to avoid another hit from your baton. Sadly for him, Pyro noticed the commotion that was happening right behind him and turned as well.

You heard a muffled speech, before the Pyro practically  _ jumped _ off the stairs and in front of you, a click being the only warning before a burst of fire spewed in front of him. You blocked out the Spy’s shriek, staring blankly at the form that became less and less recognizable as the scent of burning hair and flesh filled the air. 

It seemed to be an eternity until the Pyro let go of the trigger, what was once a man now a blackened silhouette on the ground. You opened your mouth, desperate to say something, _anything,_ but your mind came up blank. _Holy fuck._ _Pyro does_ not _fuck around._ You shook your head, barely managing to tear your gaze away from the body as Pyro trotted on without a care in the world. _This is war, this is what that Spy is used to- and what he wholly deserved._ You tried to remind yourself, shaking off the icky feeling unfurling in your chest as you followed the pyromaniac a little more carefully. That’s that for revenge.

You both came out on the roof, immediately jumping back as a stray rocket smashed into the wall just behind you, shrapnel bursting around you and cutting into your exposed skin. The Pyro yelled something incomprehensible, before charging forward with his flamethrower ready.

“Pyro, careful!” you called out, following a few steps behind him as you held your SMG up. Your new opponents were quickly revealed, that being the BLU Demoman and BLU Soldier. 

You flicked your goggles down, preparing for battle as you held down the trigger and fired blindly. The two turned towards you instantly, and Soldier fired a rocket. You heard a poorly timed blast of air as the rocket shot forward, and all you could manage was:

"Ah, shit."

Darkness shut everything down as it always did when you respawned, but you were quite surprised with how little fear you felt- no, you were  _ annoyed. _ Your feet hit the floor, and you grumbled, but a delayed spell of dizziness quickly shut you up and pushed you forward, making you grasp the walls for support.

It's- it was  _ fine,  _ you decided. Having some sort of revenge plan for every merc that killed you just seemed like a waste of energy at this point. All you could really think about now is trying to be some sort of use to the team. You'd been enough of a dead weight already, it's time that changed.

An opportunity came soon enough. You'd been out of respawn for a minute or two, running around and looking for someone to stick with. You were a support class after all- if any of the other team found you running around on your own, you'd be fucked.

Just as you'd rounded the corner, you heard the crack of a rifle, shortly followed by a muffled yelp and a thud. You froze in your tracks, trying to glance around and see what that could be. It was then that you saw a red silhouette who seemed to be in pain. It was someone particularly tall and lanky, crouched behind an orange rock and appearing to clutch their shoulder.

_ Sniper. _

You couldn't help but hesitate, immediately feeling guilty for doing so. You couldn't shake off the unease you still got from thinking about the guy at all. After all, what if this wasn't Sniper, but the BLU Spy attempting to trick you? You'd suppose a quick glance around the area would assure you this was the real Sniper, but what if you were wrong?

Against your own better judgement, you raced back to spawn, grabbing a medpack from the supply closet. Every wisp of your survival instinct begged you to stop and save yourself, while your rationale assured you that that man was your teammate in danger. You nearly stumbled over your feet as you returned, carefully making your way over to where you saw him last.

And to your surprise, he was still there. His shirt was dyed a dark red with his blood, and you couldn't help but grimace. His skin was pale, and he seemed to not quite be looking at anything. Nervously, you crouched down right in front of him.

"Sniper?"

The Australian yelped, scrambling backwards and holding the Kukri he still had in hand in front of him, only inches in front of your face. You promptly dropped the medpack, holding your hands up in submission. "It's just me! Just me! I thought you'd need some help."

He looked at you, then at the medpack, then back at you. There was a long moment of tension, before he cautiously lowered his weapon and dragged the medpack towards him with it. You let out a breath, giving him a small, still slightly spooked smile.

"YOU HAVE CAPTURED THE CONTROL POINT"

You flinched at the administrator's booming voice, but Sniper seemed to pay no mind. He opened the box, glancing at you suspiciously as he started bandaging himself up. You slowly stood, making sure that you kept enough space between you and your seemingly still hostile teammate as he drank medicine.

"Wait a min." 

His voice startled you from turning around and leaving. He slowly pushed himself back to his feet, movements staggering with pain as he grabbed his rifle off the floor. You looked up at him in confusion, glancing between his face and the area behind you.

"C'mon then." You almost didn't hear him, but him walking away gave you an idea he wanted you to follow. You jogged over to him, slowing down to keep his pace as he looked around. The air was thick as you both trudged over to where you'd assume the next control point was. You glanced around the area, making sure there was no enemy to approach either of you.

He suddenly stopped walking with an alarmed look on his face, and you did too, quickly turning towards him. He pointed somewhere in the distance, and you squinted to see what he was pointing at. At first, you saw nothing but a red blur, blood, maybe? But as you kept your gaze trained on it, the blur seemed to be glowing. A teammate- an alive teammate.

You felt the same alarm you were assuming Sniper felt as you made your way over to the wounded mercenary. 

Every step you took, you felt your feet become heavier and heavier. An uncanny feeling of dread knotted in your stomach, but you couldn't tear your eyes away. 

Every step you took, you were sweeping deeper into some sort of memory, a hint nostalgia, something at the back of your mind kept pushing and pushing forward.

Every step you took, their face became more unrecognizable. This had to be- someone this small and scrawny, this had to be Scout, right?

Every step you took,

Every step..

A cold wind swept over your body, and the sandy desert of Dustbowl had been turned into a taiga of snow and ice. You could barely pay it any mind, though. Right now, it was just you and Scout- or whoever this was. You  _ knew _ it was Scout, but the person you saw in front of you was unrecognizable, mangled, bloody, and barely breathing. Yet something about him seemed familiar, like a memory you'd forgotten.

A memory that your brain was trying its hardest to make you remember.

Your boots crunched the snow beneath them as you crouched down, staring at his face and trying to discern what you were looking at. There was another gust of icy wind, and you blinked.

"Christ, are you gonna put him out of his misery or what?"

Your own voice, though in the back of your mind you knew it was Sniper's, hissed at you. You nodded absent-mindedly, grabbing the shotgun, which you knew was an SMG, and taking the shot. The breathing stopped, but you didn't move. Moments passed, the wind still blew.

"..Lookout? Oi, hey, Sheila." A hand smacked onto your shoulder, and you snapped out of your dream. Cold whites faded back to the warm orange hue of the desert, and you blinked to make sure that everything was real.

"Wh- what? Huh?" You looked around in a panic, noticing the body had since disappeared. Slowly your gaze went up to meet Sniper's, who looked for the lack of a better word, extremely confused. "Oh god I'm- I'm so sorry." Your voice was shaking, and your tongue felt numb. 

Sniper didn't say anything, all he did was give a more careful, comforting, and slightly awkward pat on the shoulder, before retreating his hand and slowly straightening himself back up. You got to your feet, and he motioned his head toward where you'd both been heading. 

_ Right, let's get going. _

In the few moments of downtime, you decided to recollect yourself. You didn't know what that was- what that meant, but you weren't sure if you wanted to think about it. Whatever you were experiencing, it was bad.

“Howdy y’all!” Engineer’s voice shook you out of your thoughts, and you looked around until you saw him, somehow perfectly perched on top of a particularly tall boulder with a toolbox on his hip. You waved at him, deciding not to worry too much about it. He motioned towards where you were heading. “Y’all should git going! They’re pushin’ right now!” 

You shared a look with Sniper, before giving him a short wave goodbye and breaking into a run, leaving him to set up his nest without distraction.

Gravel crunched under your shoes, the sounds of gunfire growing louder the closer you got. You could distinguish the silhouettes of Medic, Heavy, and Soldier through the wall, probably pushing onto the point. You could already guess that running in blindly would surely end you immediately, so a detour it was.

You ran into the building and immediately caught a staircase in the corner of your eye. Perfect! It’d at the very least give you some sort of oversight of the battlefield before you’d run in guns blazing.

The stairs creaked with your weight so loud you thought it’d give, but that was the least of your worries. You noticed a blue tinted jacket sticking out from the warm browns of the wood around you. The BLU Sniper had his nest here. Damn it! The battle raged on just below, so you guessed that’s why he hadn’t looked away from his scope yet.

You crouched down, unholstering your SMG with quiet precision. It was best to not alert him and take him out without giving any chance for retaliation. Yet, when your eyes followed where he was aiming, you noticed a bright blue dot on the back of Medic’s head, and your vision seemed to spin with rage. You were reminded of your first battle, when Medic had died because you’d been too slow. It would not happen again. 

“Oh no you fucking don’t!” you hissed without thinking, and the Sniper quickly turned around with a surprised look on his face, raising the scope to point at you instead. It was too late for him to take the shot. You’d already squeezed the trigger, leaving the last things he saw to be your snarling expression.

His body slumped over on the floor, and you looked at it for a couple seconds. Holy fuck, you actually did it. You pushed him aside, trying to avoid getting any of his blood on you as you leered out of the window, trying to find where his target had gone. Medic was hiding behind a boulder, nursing a wound on his arm. He seemed to notice you, looking up and meeting your gaze with squinted eyes. You quickly hid back out of sight, without a second thought. Okay, he was still creepy as fuck.

A loud explosion brought you to look back out again, seeing BLU Demoman, BLU Scout, and BLU Heavy entered the area. Your team seemed to have it under control, but you set your foot on the windowsill anyway, ready to jump out and into battle to help. 

That’s when someone grabbed the collar of your polo and yanked you backwards, flinging you onto the ground. Dazed, you frantically tried to look at your assailant, only to see yourself covered in blue glaring back at you. You scrambled backwards, but she already swung with her baton, slamming it right against your head. Sharp, excruciating pain blossomed though your entire system, before a second swing quickly shut everything down, sending you back to respawn before you’d been able to do anything.

You barely noticed the darkness as you blindly stumbled out of respawn, your hands already on your baton as you rushed out. You could feel every breath of air in your body as you tried to make heads or tails of where you were and who you are, but before you could even have the effects of being resurrected wear off you heard an announcement you’d never heard before.

“YOU WIN!”

An electrifying feeling shot through your body, a sharp and fresh energy filling you from head to toe as the words slowly settled in your brain. They won? You blinked, once, twice, before a big grin pulled onto your face. Finally! You felt amazing, rejuvenated with a power you’d never felt before surging through your body. You turned on your heel without a second thought and walked back towards respawn, lessening your grin to a satisfied smile.

“All right lad!” a hand clapped on your back in a congratulatory manner, but you barely jumped, too distracted with the feeling of victory as you turned to look at Demoman who had since appeared behind you. He gave a toothy smile, before pulling ahead and walking towards his locker.

The rest of the team filed in soon after, led by a particularly peppy looking Soldier. “WE DID IT MEN!” he yelled out, his arms spread out wide. Demoman laughed and cheered something incomprehensible in response, which got the both of them laughing.

It felt good to see such a positive reaction, you thought to yourself as you placed your weapons back into your locker, giving the door a satisfied pat after closing it. You looked up, noticing Engineer looking your way. He made a motion for you to come over, so you did, sticking your hands into your pockets casually.

“By the looks of it, you did well today?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall. You shrug, looking back into the locker room with a small smile.

“I mean, could’ve been better. It was the team who did all the work.” you paused, then continued, ignoring how he raised his eyebrow and opened his mouth to interject “I got revenge on that BLU Spy though- well, half, Pyro did the killing work. It was actually kind of horrifying, but I guess burning people alive is just something I have to get used to.” You made sure to say this with an amused look on your face. This was something for you to get trauma of in retrospect- not in casual conversation.

Engineer let out a sharp laugh, letting his arms fall to his sides. “I guess so, ‘m sure you didn’t do all that bad though. Winning is a team effort.” he pushed himself off of the wall, motioning towards the doorway. “Soldier’s gonna be pickin’ up the mail in a bit, I’d say you should get a shower in before he gets back.” 

You nodded, giving the Texan a small wave as you jogged off.

To your surprise, when you entered the dining hall two hours later, there were ten piles of letters stacked onto the table. You hesitated in the doorframe, before cautiously walking over. Soldier noticed you almost immediately, seemingly still over the moon from the battle.

“Hello Lookout!” he greeted, before motioning towards a singular envelope laid down in the middle of the table “You have only received one letter today!” In all honesty, that was more than you’d expected, but you didn’t tell him that. Instead you gave him a small smile and took it, looking around curiously.

“Has no one else come to pick up their mail yet?” you asked, carefully reading the return address. It’s from.. From.. OH!

“No! I have only just arrived. Goodbye!” you started retreating without thinking, only startling out of your movements at his words. You looked up, giving him an embarrassed smile.

“Sorry Soldier, I’ll see you later!”

You made your way back to your room as quick as you could, rereading the return address over and over. You knew this place as well as the back of your hand, and a small grin grew on your face. You opened the envelope with barely contained excitement, taking out the handwritten letter and photo as carefully as you could. You folded it out, and began to read.

‘Dear Vahti,’

The first words alone made your head spin. God,  _ Vahti _ , it’s been a while since anyone called you by that nickname. It only confirmed who this was from.

‘How has Mann Co. been treating you? Is that too upfront to ask? You can say if you like it there much better than here. Personally, I don’t see the heat being anything for you, but you were always surprising in regards to things you like.. Especially with other people, haha!

I hope you’ve been doing well, it’s been a lot more hectic without you here to shut everyone up. We got a new guy joining us to take your place.. some Engineer the Russians sent to stop us from being mad at them. Fredri hates his guts, but you know how she can be. Swing by some time, I’m sure you’d love to evaluate this replacement, see if he’s up to your standards.

Anyway, I can’t go on for too long, I’ve got to get back to tinkering on my new machines.. I’ll send you the copy of the blueprint to look over next time, right now it’s still really rough. In any case, try to respond so I know you’ve received this and I haven’t just wasted my time and my ink writing this.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Aada

(and the rest of your team. Dan’s making me write that. He didn’t write shit though)’

You smiled, slowly folding the letter back up and placing it on your nightstand.  _ Home _ . You hadn’t expected your old team to write to you, maybe a phone call or two, but a full out letter? You picked up the photo you left on your bed while you were reading, inspecting it closely.

It was a group photo of the end of your first year on base. You could barely pick yourself out from the crowd, nearly unrecognizable from how you were now with a carefree grin plastered onto your face. You were what, nineteen then? 

You felt a pang in your heart the longer you looked at the photo. You missed them. They’d all been friends, family even, and now you were far away. At least you could find solace in the fact that they were still thinking of you.

You don’t know how long you sat there looking at the photo and rereading the letter over and over, but by the time you noticed how dark it had gotten, dinner was called. You carefully folded the photo in half and tucked it into your front pocket, giving it a soft pat before standing up and making your way back over to the dining hall.

You weren’t the last to arrive, much to your surprise, and everyone seemed to animatedly be chatting about the battle of today. You silently took your seat beside Heavy, giving him a small smile as a greeting. Before he could greet you back however, Soldier slammed a tray of.. Hamburgers? Onto the table.

Hamburgers was.. A.. term you had to use to describe what you were looking at. It  _ looked _ like hamburgers, it smelled like them, but it had the strangest toppings. You swore in some you could see fries, in another what appeared to be some sort of orange, dusty chips.

“TONIGHT, WE FEAST!” he declared, straightening back up. You looked between the food and him, and he looked back at the entire table expectantly. Everyone seemed to hesitate, before Demoman seemed to bite the bullet and just grabbed a few of the burgers, the rest of the team following soon after. You managed to get some that looked like they wouldn’t be too bad.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t as inedible as you’d expected to be, but by the looks of it, everyone else seemed to be expecting much,  _ much _ worse. That gave you the idea that you should fear Soldier’s concoctions next time.

“Oh, hold on a min!” Engineer’s voice stopped you when stood up from the table to retreat to your room after the meal. You looked at him expectantly. “We’re gonna go and make a campfire in a bit, don’t suppose you’d want to come?” You thought about it for a second. You  _ were _ getting kind of tired, but you wanted to hang onto this positive feeling burning in your chest for as long as you could. In the end, you nodded.

“I’ll be there.”

You got outside an hour later, now wearing a loose black and red jacket over your blouse. It was significantly chillier than last night, and all you could think about now is finding where they’d built the fire.

You could hear the relaxing strum of a guitar in the distance, and you decided to approach it. Lucky for you, the orange glow bouncing off of the wall of the building told you that was where you were supposed to go. You could see the dark form of Pyro standing in front of the flame, tending to it with such excitement that you swore he would jump in if he had the chance. Engineer sat to the side, illuminated by the fire and tuning his guitar. Demoman and Heavy sat on a log close by, deep in conversation about something. All in all, they all looked pretty peaceful, you felt bad disturbing it.

But you still did, pushing away your self-doubt as you sat down on the sand a few paces away from Pyro, pulling up your knees to your chest. Pyro did a double-take, before excitedly greeting you with muffled jargon, notifying the others.

“Oi, Lookout, ya know we won’t bite.” Demoman called you out instantly, motioning towards the empty place on the log beside him. You bit the inside of your cheek, considering denying the offer, before just pushing yourself back up to your feet and walking over to them, sitting down on the log instead. 

You could argue that that was a worse place to sit, because it was  _ cold _ , but before you could say anything along the lines of that, Demoman pressed a cold beer into your hands. You looked down at it, then back at him, before deciding to just mumble a small ‘thanks’ as he turned back to his discussion with heavy.

Engineer greeted you with a nod as you passed by, before seemingly finishing his tuning and looking up to meet your gaze. “Are the others not coming?” you asked curiously, grabbing a bottle opener from the ground and flicking the cap off. Engineer shrugged, readjusting the guitar on his lap.

“Guess not, Soldier’s a stickler of bedtimes, and the rest are just not that much of a social bunch. I’d say Scout was an oddball, but his pride’s been hurt, so I’ll let ‘em be.” he plucked a few notes as he spoke, giving a small pause, before continuing. “What’re ya gonna do ‘bout the whole fight, anyway?”

You fiddled with the bottle cap between your fingers, giving a small shrug in response. “Dunno, I’ll just see when I get there. Maybe he’ll back down after realizing that I’d kick his ass.”

Engineer gave a wheezy laugh in response, shaking his head. “You’re outta luck there, ma’am. He ain’t giving up before his face’s on the floor.” you smiled slightly, leaning back.

The conversation dulled into a comfortable silence as you watched the flame, letting yourself sink deep into thought. This weekend would be interesting- you weren’t sure when and where the younger man wanted to square up, but you’d suppose being on your toes for now was the best course of action. 

At some point, Engineer started playing his guitar. The warm tones of the strumming washed the inkling of worry at the back of your mind away. Even Demo and Heavy had stopped talking. The heat of the fire complimented the music, the coolness of the bottle in your hand only giving a grounding contrast to everything around you. All in all, it was.. Nice. You couldn’t remember feeling this at ease ever since you’d gotten here.

Eventually, Demoman turned towards you, breaking the voiceless atmosphere. For some reason, you didn’t mind. You were too far gone into a level of relaxation that you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. “So Lookout, you’ve never really told us where ye’re from.. Ya wanna change that?”

The corners of your lips twitched, and you raised an eyebrow. “That’s one way to ask that.” Demo chuckled, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking at you expectantly.

“I’m, I come from Finland. I had an Engineering job there, nothing like being an Engineer here, honestly.” you shot Engineer a look over your shoulder, who nodded back in response, continuing to play his guitar without a care in the world. You continued, looking back at Demo and now also Heavy. “Our company created some of the prototypes of weapons Mann Co. uses. I wasn’t part of that department, though.”

“How did you get here?” Heavy asked.

“Mm, well, we got a letter one day saying they were looking to get an experimental tenth class in their mercenary group, a lookout.” you remembered sitting at the table in your old base Aada walked in with Mann Co.’s letter, and how your entire team immediately turned towards you. “I was practically nominated for the role instantly, and after signing a contract and having an interview, I was accepted.” you spread out your hands “And now I’m here.”

“Do you miss Finland?” you grew silent at Heavy’s second question, and he continued “I ask because I come from Russia, Russia and Finland very close together. For me, new country was scary at first. Is the same for you?”

You just shrugged “I guess.. It’s..” you trailed off, pursing your lips slightly. You don’t  _ miss _ Finland, you miss home. “It’s not scary, I just think of this place as Finland, but a lot hotter.” you chuckled to yourself, before continuing “I miss the home base, though, I- one second.” You fished the photo out of your pocket without a second thought, unfolding it as you gave it a once-over.

“My old team sent me this today, look.” You held it out to Demoman, who squinted at it, Heavy peering over curiously. “It’s a picture from a few years ago, back when I first joined them.”

“Ah cannot see.. Which one is you?” Demoman asked, holding it closer to his face. You pointed at yourself nervously, and his eye widened.

“My god, you were so scrawny! Look at ‘er!”

His sudden outburst caught you off-guard, making you laugh. He pushed the picture in Heavy’s hands, who had a similar surprised look. Engineer stopped playing guitar when the picture was offered to him as well, tilting his head to the side and looking between you and the picture, before carefully handing it back to you with an amused smile. You couldn’t help but giggle, making an exaggerated movement with your hands.

“Come on! It’s been a few years, give me a break.” you replied, tucking the picture back into your pocket.

“Ye’re a whole different lass now! It’s like watchin’ a bairn turn into a woman.” Demoman exclaimed, shaking his head slowly. You just rolled your eyes in response, giving a playful shove, before letting out a sigh and leaning backwards on the log.

The conversation stopped there, but the relaxing atmosphere returned with the strum of the guitar, and, for as long as that continued, you would not have to think about what tomorrow could bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all! Hope y'all enjoy this slightly longer chapter. Just to let you know, Vahti means "watcher" or "watchdog" in finnish, it's not Lookout's name, I'm trying to keep her nameless. ^^
> 
> Can i get an ayo from the 3 engineer stans of this fandom
> 
> Oh oh also! I made a poll for y'all to choose which route we're starting with when the prologue is done, could y'all please vote one of 'em? (Click on route poll)
> 
> [route poll](http://www.strawpoll.me/42389370)
> 
> Also, I was thinking of making a tumblr specifically for lookout and backstory related things, I don't know if that's something I'm going to do for sure, but lmk if that's interesting to y'all


	8. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble off-hours, it's time to show that Scout whose boss, once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: some negative comments about mental illness. Not a sentiment I agree with, I wanted to clarify that

You woke up lost and confused, blinking rapidly against the bleariness of your vision as you tried to make heads or tails of where you were. The fact that you’d had no dream between when you went to bed and when you woke up was disorienting, if not worrying. Sure, you’d take no dream over a simulated life-or-death situation with pleasure any other day, but today it just felt like a bad omen.

You decided to just shrug it off and get ready for the day, deciding to get dressed and walking to the dining hall. However, there was a certain tension in the air that you couldn’t help but notice. It hung thick, its stifling mood following you as you stepped towards the kitchenette . Even as you mumbled a quiet “good morning” to a tired looking Medic it didn’t seem to disperse 

The German dragged a hand over his face, a barely comprehensible “Good morning Lookout” coming out of him as he looked at you. You took a seat at the table after pouring yourself a cup of coffee, making sure to keep a comfortable distance. Not so much to make it seem as if you were purposefully trying to keep away from him, that would just cause suspicion. One seat to the right and opposite, the perfect, anti-social distance.

You'd hate to admit it, but Medic still made you uncomfortable. It was his air, the clothes he wore, or the fact you could always smell antiseptic when he was near that gave the voice at the back of your head a reason to feel alarm. You didn't understand why, but that only added to the reason why you'd never show that part of you. So instead, you enjoyed your coffee, thinking of how to spend your day alone.

“You seem unbothered.” Medic’s comment pulled you out of your isolation planning for the morning as you slowly lowered the cup of coffee from your mouth, giving him a questioning glance. The Medic looked back, his eyebrows slowly raising “You haven’t heard? Scout has been yelling about ‘beating you up’ ever since he’s been awake.”

Oh. Annoyance bubbled inside of you, and apparently your face made it apparent, as Medic waved a dismissive hand in response. “I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. That boy is all bark and no bite- well, mostly no bite.” his expression grew more thoughtful “I do think he is unusually riled up today, so I wouldn’t put it out of question that..” his voice grew quieter and quieter until you could barely hear him, and you just let out a curt sigh as you placed your cup down on the table.

“Really. I don’t know what his issue is.” you spoke, rubbing your temples with an air of irritation “I mean- I get it that the kid’s sexist or whatever, but at this point it’s just starting to become an overreaction.” Medic looked surprised at your words, then shook his head.

“ _ Sexist?  _ No, no..” he paused, seeming to search for words “He is not.. Sexist, he is just very prideful. He does not expect people to talk back to him, even if he puts himself above them, especially when the person doing so is…” he trailed off, squinted at you, then carefully choosing the word “New.”

“Yeah, but he did use me being a woman as a way to put me down.”

“That is.. True..” Medic sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth, rubbing his face once more. “I can not tell you why he dislikes you especially. Maybe you aren’t his problem at all, maybe he just wants to fight, but not without excuse. In any case, I will send a report to Miss Pauling for this behaviour.”

You nodded, finishing your drink and standing up from the table, but Medic held up a hand to indicate you should stop. “Before you go, I received some special orders from your old base to give you a certain prescribed medication. I will not ask what for, but I will ask you to follow me to the infirmary to pick it up.”

“ _ Medication?”  _ you echoed, staring at him incredulously. You’d never been told to take anything by anyone before. “I don’t have anything that needs medication.”

Medic raised an eyebrow, his eyes glazing over with the cold and calculating one you were starting to hate, before he slowly stood up. “ _ Well _ , I have a letter anyway. If you want to read it, be my guest, but I got  _ special orders _ to make you take them. You can of course, ignore those. If you believe that you are perfectly fine, I won’t make you, but I still have to have on paper that I gave them to you.”

“Yeah okay, but-”

“Ay, why are you fightin’ Medic?”

Your face scrunched up automatically as you froze, kind of considering just not turning to look at Scout. He however, thought otherwise.

“Yo, I’m talkin’ to you Lookout.”

You sighed despite yourself, slowly turning towards him and raising an eyebrow. He crossed his arms and was visibly bristling, uncharacteristically protective of his teammate as his eyes snapped between Medic and you. Medic slowly pushed himself up, his chair loudly scraping the floor.

“Lookout and I were not fighting, Scout.” to your surprise, Medic came to your defense, giving you a look of exhaustion.  _ He was just as done with this whole ordeal as you were _ . “She was merely confused with a medical order, isn’t that right?” you nodded, but Scout seemed unaffected, if not more annoyed.

“ _ Oh, _ you need Medic to stand up for ya dont’cha? Can’t you talk for yourself?” he hissed, and you just pinched the bridge of my nose.

“I can, he just spoke before I did.” you replied defensively, looking straight at him. “ _ What _ is your problem, anyway?” Scout’s frown deepened, and you couldn’t help but get a little bit nervous.

“It don’t matter what my problem is! All that matters is that we’re gonna find out who the strongest of us is- during lunch, at the gym.” he jutted his thumb against his chest “Obviously, it’s gonna be me.”

In these moments, you were reminded of the battle of yesterday, where you’d seen him shredded to pieces. He looked so small then, face scrunched up with pain and unseeing eyes pleading for mercy. The more you thought about it, the more you saw that same boy standing in front of you. He was trying so hard to look big now, and it made you realize how young Scout really must be. What was he trying to prove? Was he trying to prove it to you, or himself?

“Okay.” was all you replied after realizing you hadn’t spoken in a few seconds, tearing your gaze away from him and tucking your hands in your pockets.  _ Right _ , now is not the time to think about someone’s thought process. Scout merely huffed, and then stormed away to somewhere where you couldn’t bother to look.

You looked at Medic when the footsteps were far away enough, and he just rolled his eyes. “Er ist ein  _ Kind, _ really. Sometimes I believe that I was hired to be an elementary school teacher with how he behaves.” He dusted off his coat with a certain air, and you shifted uncomfortably.

“I feel kind of bad for him.” you mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. “He puts himself so far above others I’m not sure he can even see the ground anymore.” Medic looked amused at your words, giving a shrug.

“That’s one way to say it. But no, he will be fine, though it is very annoying that I will have to use my Medi Gun off hours because of this.” You looked at him quizzically, and he let out a huff of laughter. “What? You thought you were going to get out of it without any injury?  _ Please, _ he will bite, kick, scratch, and you’d better do the same to stand a chance.”

“ _ Oh _ .” you hadn’t thought about that. Of course he would fight with all his might, and of course someone would get hurt in the process. Whatever spark to fight you had deep inside of you fizzled out, and turned into dread instead. Did you really feel like getting hurt today? Was it worth the risk of permanent injury?

“Well, in any case.” Medic beckoned towards you. “Come with me.”

The walk to the infirmary was short, and when he pressed an unlabeled translucent bottle with little orange pills in your hand you realized you’d zoned out through most of it. You looked at it curiously, giving them a small rattle before looking back at Medic.

“Again, you do not  _ have _ to take them, I do not think they are necessary personally.” he spoke, moving his hands in a way of adding emphasis. “I think it is good to have them just to do. So I do not get in trouble for not giving them.”

“What are they?” you asked, holding it closer to your face. It was odd- you’d never seen things like these in real life before, more so heard from them. The only thing you could think of was the antidepressants one of your former co-workers told you they were taking, but  _ surely _ your team didn’t think that-

“Chlorpromazine, it is a form of antipsychotic.” Medic replied, giving you an odd look that you couldn’t quite discern the emotion of “Which is  _ why  _ I think they are unnecessary. If you want to take them, take three or four a day, at  _ most _ . Not just before battle, as they make you tired.”

You let out a contemplative hum, rolling the bottle in your palm before nodding. “Alright, thanks, Medic.” you spoke before leaving, letting the doors swing behind you.  _ Antipsychotics..  _ Why? You weren’t crazy, as far as you were aware. Did your old team think you were? Was there something that you’d done wrong? You swallowed the feeling of hurt as you tried to convince yourself otherwise. Even if they did think that something was wrong, they gave the recommendation as a form of concern for you, so that’s something right.. Right?

You returned to your room and sat down on your bed, deciding to just stick the bottle in your nightstand drawer and move it from your thoughts. Whatever it was that they’d diagnosed you with without your knowing, Medic said you didn’t have to take it, so you wouldn’t. It was better to just put it out of sight and out of mind before you got obsessed with the mere concept of its existence.

There were more important things at hand, anyway. With a glance at your alarm you knew that it was only an hour until your brawl with Scout. You had to prepare in some way, you didn’t even know where the gym was! You just decided to get up and go looking for someone to show you.

Much to your luck, Soldier was just outside in the hallway, seemingly about to enter the dining hall when you stopped him. “Hey uh.. Do you know where the gym is?” less to your luck, the man’s eyes brightened under his helmet.

“Ah! You are going to train before your battle with your fellow soldier, as a true American should!” His voice was loud, but not quite to the point of yelling. You gave him a half-shrug, and he nodded, widely motioning “Follow me!”

One  _ jog _ later, because for some reason he decided that walking was just not the true mercenary way, you both arrived at the gym. It was a pretty easy path, you had to admit. It was a big hall attached to the building, only accessible if you went outside through the second entrance and to the left. If you’d just gone outside to begin with, you would’ve found it pretty quickly. It was almost embarrassing, and you wondered if Soldier thought that as well, but if he did, he didn’t say it.

“Oi, Soldier!” Demo’s voice was the first thing you heard when you entered the building with Soldier, looking up to see the man sitting on the bench with a towel on his shoulder. “And Lookout, too! That’s one I didnae expect. What are  _ you _ doin’ ‘ere so early?”

“Oh I’m-”

“Lookout is going to train for her brawl with Scout!” Soldier replied for you, giving you a clap on the back. Okay, you apparently weren’t allowed to talk for yourself around here. Still, you decided to appreciate that he seemed to be supportive of you in some way, so you just took it. Demoman laughed, sitting up straight and looking at you.

“Well, at least one o’ yus is takin’ it seriously. Scout was very convinced he was gonna beat ya without any effort, but I’m not gonna take that for an answer.” his gaze turned to Soldier, and he raised an eyebrow “Are you gonna help ‘er practice?”

You hadn’t even thought about asking him that. Honestly, you didn’t really know what to do for prep. Maybe some push-ups, jogging, a warm-up. But the sudden excited look on Soldier’s face seemed to push those ideas away. “I do not know! Do you want me to?” he turned towards you, and you shrugged with a polite smile.

“If you want to, sure.” he grinned at your answer, then darted off to a matted area of the gym you hadn’t noticed before. You followed hesitantly, and Demo snorted.

“Well, this’ll be good.” Demoman commented as he sat at a bench closer to the two of you. You shot him a look over your shoulder, before turning back to Soldier. Right, so first stance, make sure he can’t get a jab in, and-

And, now you were on the ground. You didn’t notice until your breath was knocked out of you and your back stung with a dull pain. You blinked, dazed. For a few seconds you just lied there, before Soldier’s face peeked into your vision. “That was not enough to break you, cadet! Get up!”

You did as he said automatically, years of military training and orders echoing in your head as you scrambled to your feet. Soldier seemed pleased at this, standing up straight as he gave a firm and approving nod. “Right! I did not give you enough warning, Now I will do it again!” You were barely prepared as he attempted to sweep your feet out from under you once more, but were quick enough to lift your foot and stumble a few steps backward, holding up your hands.

“Hold on! Hold on!” you quickly spoke, your eyes trained on your opponent. Soldier held back, tipping back his helmet slightly to look at you from under it. “Is this like an actual practice fight? Am I allowed to counter?”

Soldier hummed in thought, rubbing his chin contemplatively before nodding “You are allowed to counter, soldier!”

_ Alright. _ You approached him once more, and again, he attempted to sweep a leg from under you. You grabbed his vest as you quickly lifted your knee, before kicking him in his abdomen. Not too hard, of course, but he stumbled back a little winded anyway. His expression grew more manic, and his hard jab counter in your stomach almost knocked all the air from out of your lungs. You threw a hook back in retaliation, but he simply grabbed your arm tightly and pulled, causing you to stumble past him.

He locked your arm behind you, and you pushed your wrist down and spun around, clocking him in his face with your elbow. For a second you felt bad for the hiss of pain he let out, but Soldier quickly removed that thought from your head as he flung his arm around your waist and barrelled you to the ground. Your teeth painfully clanked against each other as your head caught the blow, and you laid there dizzily as Soldier flipped you onto your stomach and locked both arms behind you, effectively pinning you down.

There was a long silence between you two, before he let out a curt laugh that you didn’t quite expect. You let out a defeated chuckle, pressing your cheek against the mat as you turned your head to try and look at him.

“Well. I guess I’m no good after all.” You mumbled as he released you, taking the hand he offered to pull you up to your feet.

“Well, it’s longer than I’ve seen Scout hold up against ‘m.” Demo commented while you dusted off your shirt, and you just looked at Soldier. The American gave a big thumbs up, and you realized that in the back of your mind, you were expecting to get your ass handed to you anyway.

“You did just fine, cadet!” Soldier assured you with a clap on your shoulder. You laughed dryly in response, taking a seat beside Demo on the bench. Soldier joined you both soon after, and you all just sat there in a quiet that was slowly becoming more awkward. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” You finally uttered, rubbing your eyes tiredly. “I’m pretty sure Scout is gonna try to get as close to killing me as he can, and I don’t think I can do the same to him.”

Demo looked at you with pity, reaching back to grab two bottles of water to hand it to the both of you. “That’s the thing, lass.” he spoke, leaning his elbows on his knees “You’ve no other choice.. That boy- he’s not really one for given’ up until not a fibre in his body can retaliate. If ya think you’re gettin’ out of this with just words, you’re outta luck.”

“I know..” you sighed, defeated.

“Do not look so sad, cadet!” Soldier quickly spoke, giving your back a strangely comforting pat “If he tries to kill you, just kill him first!”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his excited tone for the prospect of killing his teammate. “Yeah okay, thanks, Soldier.” Soldier seemed pleased at your response, but another voice quickly took away from the conversation.

“Who’s killin’ who now?” Engineer joined the three of you with raised eyebrows. He seemed to still be covered in some kind of oil from his workshop. You waved your hands quickly, smiling awkwardly.

“No one! No one is dying. We’re just talking about my brawl with Scout later.” You paused, then looked at him in confusion “Why are you here, anyway?” 

Engineer rolled back his shoulders, an amused smile pulling onto his face. “Well, Scout’s been tellin’ everyone about how he’s gonna, and I quote, ‘beat your ass’, so I thought I’d come’n watch. Reckon some’o the others are gonna do so as well.” you groaned, which just caused Engineer to laugh. “Keep your head up, Lookout. You’ll be just fine.”

And Engineer was right, because soon after Medic, Heavy, and much to your surprise, Spy walked in. You thought of asking him if hand-to-hand combat was really part of his taste in amusement, but his narrowed eyes stopped you before you could say anything. 

The last to arrive were Scout and Sniper, both of whom stood a few paces away from the rest of the group, deep in discussion and throwing looks over to you. You decided to just turn to Heavy for moral support instead, who gave you a worried smile.

“You are nervous?” he asked, taking a seat beside you after Soldier had left, and you just shrugged.

“Shouldn’t I be? I mean, everyone’s saying I’ll be just fine, but I don’t know.” You couldn’t help but feel the gaze of your opponent and his friend burn at the side of your face, but you paid them no mind. 

“Well, yes, but there is no need to work yourself up.” Heavy paused turning his palms up before clenching them into fists “You need to focus on the fight, and on how it affects you.” you looked at him, puzzled, and he just shrugged “I think Scout is calling for you.”

“Yea, have been, past five minutes.” Scout snapped, and you turned your head to see him stand in the middle of the mat. You knew for sure that that wasn’t true, but you decided not to fight argue, simply walking over to him with crossed arms. Scout readied a stance, you didn’t quite recognize, and Medic quickly stood beside you both with one arm raised.

“It would not be a good fight without rules.” He announced, giving you both a wary look “The fight will be over either when one of you submits, or until one of you is knocked out of submission. But let’s  _ try _ not to go there.” you couldn’t help but notice the glare he sent to Scout as he said those words. “Of course, I believe either one of the spectators is free to end it at any time as well, but I believe you all have proper self-control.” he looked between the both of you, before sharply cutting the air in a downwards motion with his arm, and stepping back. “Begin.”

Before you even noticed what he said, a fist slammed against your cheek, snapping your head to the side as you tried to comprehend what just happened. It  _ stung, _ and it took you a moment to trace back the jab to Scout, who by then landed another punch on your lower jaw. 

_ Concentrate, damnit _ . You cursed yourself for being so easy to distract, taking a few steps back. He followed, and you dove forward, driving your shoulder against his ribs and headbutting against his jaw, wincing slightly as you heard the painful clank of his teeth snapping shut. A second too late to notice he sent a right hook flying against your face, and you stumbled back once more.

It was then that a sharp pain stopped you in your tracks, and you gingerly touched your nose. Even Scout seemed to falter, his expression flashing regret for just a fraction of a second. You took your hand away, and saw a red substance shining with the light from the lamp above you.  _ Blood. _ You looked at Scout’s fist.  _ Your blood. _

_ That’s enough. _ Your thoughts hissed,  _ that’s enough playing around.  _ A red haze clouded your senses, and all thoughts of who was in front of you being Scout were gone. This was an enemy, this was someone who wanted to hurt you. An uncharacteristic snarl drew on your face, and you threw yourself forward, driving your fist into his abdomen. You could hear a gust of air escape him as he stumbled back, but you weren’t done. 

_ Take advantage of an opponent’s surprise. _

You hit him with a right hook of your own directly against his temple, sending the boy tumbling and struggling to stay afoot. The motion filled you with a sense of electricity, an energy coursing through your veins. You felt  _ alive, _ you wanted  _ more _ . You would’ve gotten away with another hard jab if he hadn’t recovered with that extra few milliseconds of downtime, turning his icy glare back on you. His fist was a blur as it connected with your face once more, and as you ducked under his arm for the second swing, you had to admit that he at the very least knew what he was doing.

You took the chance to hook his arm with yours during his swing, locking it behind him. Scout was fast enough to retaliate before you could fully do so however, and dug his elbow right between your ribs, spinning around and punching you in your eye. He tried his luck again with his other fist, but you managed to stop him with your arm, twisting your wrist to grab him and yank him towards you, only to headbutt him directly in the nose.

You felt a sense of sadistic satisfaction as a trickle of blood soon followed, but forced yourself to bite that down when your feet were swept out from under you. You managed to catch yourself on your elbows, but Scout was quickly up on you, pinning you down by your neck and squeezing.

Your brain short-circuited as he started to strangle you, and a distant roar of a memory forced itself ahead, but never showed. Instead, you were suddenly driven by a deep sense of anger, of self-preservation. You clasped your legs around his back, grabbed his arm, and smacked the side of his neck with the side of your hand. He let out a yelp of surprise as he slammed against the ground beneath you, and you barely noticed the sharp snap of a bone when you were holding his now limp arm tightly in your grip.

He let out a wrangled cry that pierced through the red haze, and you managed to look at him. He was writhing, spitting, and hissing with rage. There was a distant feeling of content as you looked at him like this, like you were a hungered predator who’d caught his prey. You pulled on his injured arm, he shrieked.

“Stop! Enough! Lookout wins!” you’d forgotten that there was an audience until then, Medic’s yell broke you out of your dazed spell, and you immediately jumped up as if Scout had burned you, a horrified look on your face. His arm was twisted in an unnatural position, and his face scrunched up with pain. As you looked at his miserable expression, it was then you remembered that this fight  _ wasn’t about you.  _ He had something to prove, and he failed. You ran your hand against your nose, and it was still bleeding. Not an entire failure.

You carefully walked towards him, showing him the blood on your hand before reaching it towards him as an offer to pull him back. He was on his back now, giving you a hard glare. You thought for a second that he’d take it, but he just slapped your hand away, struggling to push himself to his feet.

“I don’t need your  _ pity _ .” you barely heard him hiss under his breath, his head held low as he pushed past you. You just stared after him, before turning your gaze towards the onlookers. There was a tense silence between everyone, and you just looked at the ground, where both your and Scout’s blood had dripped red splatters on the grey mat. Did you do the wrong thing?

“Well,” a hand clapped you on your back, shaking you from your thoughts. Engineer, Soldier, and Demoman had made their way towards you, and you could see the rest of the people who’d shown up crowding around Scout, helping him with his now broken arm. “I can see who beat whose ass.” Engineer’s voice was strangely warm, and he just ruffled your hair.

“Yeah, but you’re lookin’ like you’re the one who lost, lass.” Demoman commented, a worried smile on his face. You just shrugged.

“I broke his arm, I think.”

“He was choking you, cadet!” Soldier piped up, smacking his fist into his palm “You were in your full right to show him who was boss! And you have!” you just shrugged, lowering your head with a defeated sigh.

“Lookout! Come here, I must heal you.” Medic called over, and you carefully jogged towards him, ignoring the glare both Scout and Sniper shot you. Heavy quickly took your attention with a careful smile.

“You did just fine, Lookout. Though next time, do not  _ pull  _ broken arm. Is harder to fix with Medi Gun.” Heavy spoke with a slight laugh in his voice, and you just shivered.

“Yeah, let’s hope there isn’t a next time.” You replied, sitting on the bench as you were handed the same bottle you had before. You gave Soldier a nod of appreciation, before relaxing slightly as an unfamiliar red beam settled over you.  _ Strange. _ You followed the beam until it ended in a strange contraption next to you. It looked like a bazooka with no ammo.

“Medi Gun.” Medic spoke without any prompt, and it was then you realized that your nose no longer hurt. You touched it, only to feel no wetness. You pulled your fingers back, and there was no blood. Amazed, you glanced between the gun and Medic, who just shrugged.

“What’re you gonna do now?” Engineer sat beside you, leaning his elbows on his knees. You didn’t have a plan for what was going to happen after, and the softening energy of the Medi Gun seemed to wear off.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled, dropping your hands. “I- I’m tired, I’m going to bed.”

“Already?” He looked slightly alarmed, sharing a look with Heavy that you didn’t quite understand. “Don’t you want to at least stay up until dinner?”

You stayed silent for longer than you’d liked. Dinner was important, but the chance you’d have to see Scout between then and maybe during was too big, and you  _ really _ didn’t want to be reminded of what you’d done. You just nodded.

“No.. no, I’m fine, I  _ will _ be fine. I just need some rest.” you mumbled absent-mindedly, standing up. You could tell he wanted to say something that he decided not to, but you didn’t want to press. For today, all of this was enough. It was just enough.

You didn’t even want to think about how tomorrow would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers! I am very pleased to announce that I have in fact made a Tumblr. It is TyrantQueenz! 
> 
> [Tumblr](https://tyrantqueenz.tumblr.com/) (Link for ease of use)
> 
> Besides that, I have also taken a look at the poll! To the singular person who voted on Scout, I feel you in the depths of my soul. It seems that the rest of you really like Sniper, so much so that none of you can choose between them! I have opened another poll so you can specifically choose between them, and if it's going to be a tie again, I'll just choose something myself. 
> 
> Here is the new link: [route poll 2](https://www.strawpoll.me/42421915)
> 
> I'd also like to say that I am very thankful for all the support I have been getting! It is a very positive drive for me to keep working and pumping out chapters as well and fast as I can. Thank you very much! I'm not very good at writing thank-yous, but it is extremely appreciated :-)


	9. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday! You know what that means, sunday funday!

You weren’t sure where you were now, but wherever it was, you were safe from that damned avalanche. Though you could see trees, you mostly saw mist. Slowly, you walked through the area, looking around nervously. You weren’t sure how to get back to the base, either, which might make more of a problem than you’d anticipated. Darn it, if this stupid eye just worked…! Suddenly, you heard a crunch behind you, as if a twig was being snapped. Your breath hitched, and you turned around, but there was nothing there. Suspiciously, you drew a knife from your back pocket, bending over slightly as you slowly made your way forward. Your mouth felt dry, and the hairs on the back of your neck were slowly standing up. The air slowly started thickening the closer you got to the origin of the sound, and for a second, you considered turning back.

But then, there was a flicker of orange.

_ Orange?  _ You sat upright in bed with the thought, your brain still half-asleep as squinted.  _ Orange?  _ You weren’t orange, you were RED. The train of thought derailed the second your brain was conscious enough to remind you where you were, though, and you just sat there in silence instead.

You glanced at your alarm, and your face fell. It’s five in the morning.. You supposed this is what you got for just going to bed in the middle of the day, but still, damn. You took a second to give a long stretch, before just stepping out of bed and getting dressed. You didn’t feel particularly tired anymore, and you could guess if you went to bed now, you’d just lay there and do nothing until your brain forced you into a wholly unsatisfying nap. And that was something even you didn’t feel like doing.

Your mind wandered as you put on your sneakers, thinking about what today would bring. You didn’t have anything particular on schedule today, it was mostly just a free day for you to do whatever you wanted. You’d already had your fight with Scout, which was supposed to be the highlight activity of the weekend, but when you thought about it, your heart sank. His soured expression was seared into your mind by now with how many times you’d replayed the scene inside your head.

That  _ snap _ , how hadn’t you heard it? He was fine after, sure, but the mere  _ memory  _ of the sound made you cringe. Was that really what he deserved? Did you really have to do that?

Whatever, you had to go and clear your head. There was no use driving the thought in circles. Maybe going for a run would do that for you, you weren’t particularly energetic, but your body was begging you to  _ move _ .

And so, you did. You zoned back in when your feet hit the barren sand and the base was a small speck behind you. You stopped running, gasping for air and taking a look around. For miles around you there was nothing, no buildings, no people, no monuments. Just you, the cacti, some boulders, and sand, lots of sand. It was still blindingly dark out. With the lack of any street lighting anywhere in sight you would've expected it, but you hadn’t really been in an environment like this before. Back in Finland, you would either be at base, or in town. Wherever you went, there’d be light with you, so you hadn’t realized how much you took the ability to see for granted. The only thing that gave off light right now was the base you’d just run from, and that was too far away to give any benefit. Wasn't too bad, you supposed, just a minor inconvenience.

You took a deep breath, the crisp morning air doing strange wonders for your lungs. It was odd- normally during the day, it would be so hot that breathing would be stifling. But now, without the sun being at its peak, it was actually kind of comfortable. 

You decided to clamber onto one of the boulders, sitting on top of the peak and taking a rest. You found your head was clearer, more brightly thinking. Perhaps Aada was right, the heat  _ was _ nothing for you. But you were stuck here for the time being, so you'd just have to take it. You lifted your gaze to the sky, staring longingly into the void that hung above you. 

There was a moment of nothing, just you and the stars, before a stunning twist of light shattered the dark horizon far far away. It was a sharp contrast to what you’d been looking at, cutting the heavens with its warm colour.  _ Sunrise _ . You couldn’t help the smile that drew onto your face, mesmerized by the beauty in front of you. Orange tint drew a line where the sun would soon follow, dark blue turning to light, a familiar warmth that joined you wherever you’d go, far from home or close.

No matter where you were, the sky would follow. Ever-changing, just like you. 

You stayed there for a while, soaking up the morning's first rays of sun with a deep sense of peace. You didn’t want to get up, but you knew that if you were back too late all the fresh coffee would be gone, and you really didn’t feel like making a new pot just to have the rest to go to waste because no one would finish it. Begrudgingly, you let yourself glide off of the boulder, your feet hitting the ground with a dull thud. You looked at the sky one last time, before jogging back to base.

There was already ruckus in the kitchen when you’d arrived, and you dared to peek your head into the dining hall to see what was going on. The first thing you saw was Demoman,  _ standing  _ on the table. He had a beer bottle in hand, and was yelling something incomprehensible. Heavy and Engineer stood beside the chairs, seemingly trying to convince him to step down. Soldier was cheering him on, yelling something about ‘telling them to do things the american way’. And then there was Spy, looking as disgruntled as ever and leaning back against the counter with crossed arms. Ironically enough, he seemed to be the most approachable right now, so you spoke to him.

“What’s going on?” You asked as you stood beside him, taking in the scene with a strange sense of astonishment. Spy lifted an eyebrow, half-turning towards you.

“Well, I suggested we would make crêpes for breakfast, however these  _ imbeciles _ had the idea that I was giving a bad name to their ‘ _ american pancake’. _ ” he made quotation marks, before rubbing his face. “ _ Really _ , it is too early for this.”

You couldn’t help but let out a sharp bark of laughter, quickly slapping your hand onto your mouth to silence yourself. You found you were too late, because Soldier turned towards you with a manic expression.

“LOOKOUT! Perfect timing!” he stomped towards you, and you couldn’t help but back up, horrified when your back hit the wall. “Tell this EUROPEAN that his CRAPS are  _ nothing _ compared to the good old American pancake!” 

You glanced between them, before giving Soldier a comforting pat on the shoulder. “Of course not, Soldier.” you gave an awkward grin, and Soldier looked satisfied with himself. “But uh, you know I’m-”

“ _ Right,  _ Soldier.” Engineer cut you off, giving you a desperate look that you didn’t quite understand as he smacked his hand onto Soldier’s shoulder, discreetly pulling him away from you and speaking to him. “How ‘bout you go get your friend off the table, ‘n let Spy make his little French pancakes, hm?”

“They are not  _ french pancakes,  _ they are crêpes.” You couldn’t see it, but you knew for a fact that Engineer just shot the sharpest glare he could manage in response to Spy’s words. The Frenchman surely felt it too, as he uncomfortably shifted and turned towards the sizzling pan behind him without another word.

“FINE! But I am  _ NOT _ eating them!” Soldier shook off Engineer’s hand, then helped Demo get down on the ground. The drunkard stumbled around, before shooting a cheeky grin your way and sitting down at the table. You just uncomfortably smiled back, then looked at Engineer.

“Is this.. Normal?” you asked in a hushed tone after a few moments, making sure that the others couldn’t hear you speak. Engineer shrugged, looking more defeated than he did when they lost.

“Suppose so. Usually only when someone suggest makin’ things that aren’t American. Although, it wouldn’t be this bad if  _ someone _ hadn’t riled him up.” Engineer spoke the last part with a hiss, and you noticed Spy rolled his eyes.

“I can hear you, you know.”

“That was the point.” Engineer retorted, before giving you a more kind look. “In any case, ‘m assumin’ you don’t really care what country your pancakes are from.” you nodded, and he motioned to the table. “I’d think so. Take a seat then, you’re just in time for breakfast.”

You sat down between Heavy and Demo, taking note of the rampant discussion beside you.

“This is a  _ failure  _ to our American country!” Soldier exclaimed, angrily gesturing towards the kitchen. “We have let Europeans take over our food! George Washington would be  _ ashamed _ .”

“A lotta food you eat  _ are _ from Europe, ya know?” Demo pointed out, seeming to have sobered up just enough to have a cohesive thought. “You like pizza, don’t you? Spaghetti? Those are Italian.”

“WHAT? What about Apple Pie?”

“English.”

Soldier’s face twisted to that of horror, his mouth opening to speak, but closing once more. Slowly, he turned towards the table, lowering his head as he seemed to.. Start sulking. Over European food, no less.

Demo gave Soldier a comforting pat on his back. “Ach, don’t look so down. Ye’re gonna be jus’ fine. I’m sure even the founding fathers enjoyed a good dish from outta country now and again. The Europeans discovered America after all, if ye ask yer states’ school books, that is.”

Soldier seemed to process this, clenching and unclenching his fists over and over before raising his head once more, an eerily determined look crossing his features. “Correct, but they did not let Europe take over their kitchen, and  _ especially _ not France! Demo, we must make something American!” Demoman’s relief washed away to confusion.

“And that is?”

“Pumpkin pie!” He slammed his hands on the table, causing the cutlery that Engineer started placing down to clatter. “Unless you’re going to try to convince me that  _ that _ is European too?”

“No.. I don’t think it is..” Demo sounded thoughtful, rubbing his chin. Heavy turned towards them both.

“I am sure that rest of team would like to try American food too.” Heavy paused, looking like he felt rather out of place by talking to them, before his eyes landed on you. “Perhaps you could try and teach Lookout how you eat American, because she is new?”

“Good thinking!” Soldier piped up, turning towards you “Whaddaya say, cadet? Wanna become more of a  _ red-blooded American? _ ” 

You’d could guess that telling Soldier you weren’t American to begin with wasn’t a good idea by the look Engineer shot you.You couldn’t stay cooped up all day, though.  _ Someone _ had to make sure the kitchen didn't explode.

“Sure.” you agreed, moving out of the way as a crêpe was set on your plate. “Sounds like fun.” 

Heavy, Spy, Soldier, Demoman and you all agreed to go out to Teufort after lunch, so you’d have plenty of time to pick out ingredients and bake at the same time. Soldier and Demo had gone off to the fruits and vegetables aisle, while Spy and you perused the spice aisle. You assumed that if anyone knew anything about properly flavouring your pie, it would be him.

“You think I need some nutmeg?” you asked, picking up a small translucent bottle with minor interest.

“Yes, take the cinnamon too.” the frenchman paused, glancing over his shoulder now and again. You assumed it was a habit from spending hours on the field, and you wondered if it was something you’d start doing too, eventually. “Do you want a fresher or a darker tasting pie?”

“Fresher.”

“Take some ginger.”

You nodded, placing a fresh clove inside of your basket as you rocked back and forth on your feet. What else would you need? Salt? Surely they still had that at base. You lifted your head to look at him, suddenly curious.

“How do you know so much about cooking?”

“Well,” Spy paused, inspecting each individual spice before taking a bottle and rolling it around in his gloved hand “I have had many jobs before Mann Co., and it was sometimes expected of me to know more about what someone can and cannot eat. Take this cardamom.”

He placed the bottle in your hands, giving you a look at a spice you hadn’t ever seen before, before you turned that same curious look to him “I mean, you can know what kills people or not, sure, but you seem to know tastes, too.”

You could see the corners of his eyes crinkle slightly with the hint of a smile. “Can’t a man enjoy his own cooking?”

You laughed, turning away from the spices to try and see where the brown sugar would be. “I guess you can, sorry, I just hadn’t expected you to be the cooking type.” he trailed beside you as you started walking, folding his hands behind his back with a curious look in his eyes.

“And what, pray tell, made you think I wasn’t?” he didn’t seem offended, which was relieving, but inquisitive nonetheless. You just shrugged.

“I don’t know, I usually imagine men who enjoy cooking to be more.. Homey, open, I guess.” you paused, thinking a bit about what you said, before quickly adding “Not saying you’ve been unfriendly or anything, just saying that in my personal vision, you’d be.. More.. warm.” 

He  _ chuckled, _ much to your surprise, an eyebrow raised and an amused smile pulling onto his face. “So I am not warm.” Before you could sputter an explanation, he waved a hand dismissively “No, I understand what you mean. I would not expect me either, more someone like Engineer, correct?”

Sheepishly, you nodded, scratching the back of your head before something caught your eye, Spy continued talking. “Well, I surprise myself every day, it is no crime to- what are you doing?” You pulled your hand out of the shelf you’d dug it into, retrieving a dark blue box with a certain flourish.

“Pop Tarts!” you exclaimed with a childlike glee.  _ God,  _ it’s been a while since you had them, but something looked off. “Since when do these have frosting?” 

“ _ Mon Dieu, _ don’t tell me you actually like that.. Sugary disgrace of a breakfast.” Spy’s face teetered on the brink of genuine disgust as he took the box from you, a frown drawing on his face. “A few years ago, why?”

You felt a little embarrassed now, trying not to show it on your face as you shuffled your feet. “Well,” you paused, your voice a little higher than you’d wanted it to be “One of my old teammates brought it back for all of us once, I had the- the one without frosting. They only have it in America so I haven’t seen it since..” your explanation quieted at the end as Spy glared at the packaging, as if he were willing it to go away.

He looked up at you, his hard expression twitching for just a second before he handed it back. “Well, put it in the basket and never make me look at it again.” he spoke quickly, turning away from you and starting to walk towards what you’d assume to be the baking aisle, you followed suit.

“You know,” you started carefully, before the disinterested glance he sent your way completely derailed your train of thought. “Um.. Pop Tarts are a ravioli.”

“No.”

“Yeah, it’s.. Um, an enclosed food, so basically a ravioli.” 

“ _ No. _ ” Spy’s voice was sharper now, even edging on angry, and you quickly realized that you just got a golden opportunity of ammunition against him, combined with the fact you were feeling more confident than you’d ever been before, you just threw him a cheeky smile.

“Tea is a soup, too.” you continued, making sure to look away from the glare he shot back at you as you looked for the right bag of brown sugar to buy. “Hot dogs are just American tacos.”

“ _ Stop- _ ” he hissed between his teeth, ripping the sugar out of your hands to get you to look at him “ _ You’re actually embarrassing, _ are you usually this annoying?” you looked at him with surprise, before noticing the corners of his mouth twitching and threatening to break his angry façade.

“No.” you took the sugar back and placed it into your basket with a certain flourish, forcing down the smirk you desperately wanted to have “I’m just trying to make a fool out of you, because you know I’m right.”

“No-”

“Umm.. excuse me.” You both turned to see a nervous looking teenager right behind you, glancing between you, Spy, and something behind him. “Your uh.. Your friend is  _ stuck _ , in the.. Um.. my manager would like you all to pay and leave.”

“Why?”

“Well.. um, your friend is uh.. He..”

“MEN!” The answer appeared soon enough, as Soldier came sprinting around the corner with the biggest pumpkin you’d ever seen, Demo hot on his heels. On closer inspection, Soldier’s clothes seemed to be shining with a certain slickness you couldn’t quite place “I have found America’s strongest pumpkin! We are ready to leave!”

Spy grimaced, and your face fell as you looked around the corner. There laid a miserable mountain of orange and brown mush which was what you would assume to be the rest of the mart’s pumpkins. You automatically looked at Demo, who flinched.

“I tried to stop him, I did.” Demo had two bottles of heavy cream clutched in his hands, a desperate look painted over his face. “I left him for two minutes ta get cream, but when I got back, it was too late. I’m sorry.” He looked at the clerk for a second, who ducked his head down and scurried off. Spy sighed.

“Fine.” He motioned for everyone to follow him “I believe we have everything we need now, anyway.” Demo still looked guilty, but Soldier looked terribly proud of himself, cradling the pumpkin like it was his firstborn son.

“Outstanding work!” he smacked the pumpkin for emphasis, marching forward to the counter. The rest of you followed a little bit slower, sharing wary looks. Perhaps, there should be a babysitter next time.

At least everyone managed to return back to the base in one piece. Heavy hadn’t asked why most of you looked tired as Soldier kept him busy by yapping on about his perfect catch. 

You helped spread out the ingredients on the counter as Heavy fetched a cookbook from his room, before wandering off somewhere saying he had something with the Medic planned today. Spy left in a similar vein, but less with an excuse and more with a “Goodbye.”.

That just left you, Demoman, and Soldier.

That was bound to go well.

Before you let them touch anything, you held up the book, clearing your throat so that they’d pay attention.

“I need you both to follow these instructions to a tee, okay?” you asked, looking them both directly in the eyes “I’ll make the pie crust, can I at the very least trust the both of you with making the filling?”

Soldier saluted you aggressively, and Demo dared let a small smile draw on his face. “Come on lass, we’re not children.” you raised an eyebrow, and he tipped his head to the side “We  _ can _ .”

You nodded, handing him the open book. “I already know how to make crust, so you guys can have this.” You considered driving home the point that they not add anything new (remembering Soldier’s burgers with a barely suppressed grimace), but decided not to, as at the very least Demo seemed aware enough of what he would be eating to not let Soldier poison it.

Making the crust was a repetitive enough process for you to remember, you’d found. It was like you’d been making pies regularly, your hands moving like clockwork. First dry ingredients, then butter, then just that bit of bottled water left in the fridge. Bottled water, Demo insisted, because the tap water was filled with lead.

You decided not to question it.

The first problem arose when the filling seemed too thick, and you were inclined to agree. “Maybe a little water would help?” You questioned, patting the dough into a ball to make it ready for chilling for the next hour.

“You just used the last of the water in the fridge, cadet!” Soldier pointed out, looking at the thick orange mixture like it had failed him.

“There’s some water in my room, I can go get that.” Demo offered, looking up to you with a questioning gaze. Soldier cut him off, though.

“I will get it, fellow soldier! I have not been pulling my weight! I feel bad!” There was truth in that, because every time you glanced up from your kneading, Demo had taken a task he’d assigned to Soldier from him. You felt pity, though you didn’t show it. Was Soldier really that much of a child-brained person?

“Alright, you’d know where it is, in the second dr-” Soldier was off before Demo finished his sentence, and he let his sentence end there, slowly shaking his head. “He’s an odd fella, sometimes.” he commented when Soldier was out of earshot, turning back to his mixture. 

You shrugged, placing the plate inside of the fridge before taking a closer look as you washed your hands. There was something.. Off, but you couldn’t quite place it. The mixture was supposed to be slightly thick, but it seemed like it was missing a binding. You also saw two oddly shaped lumps floating about, and you slowly blinked.

“Demo.. what’re those?” you dared ask.

“What? Oh, those are the eggs lass.”

“Are those two  _ whole _ eggs, with the  _ shell _ ?”

“Yes?” Demo had the audacity to look confused, glancing between you and the bowl over and over.

“You aren’t-” you pinched the bridge of your nose, taking a deep breath.  _ Stay calm _ , by god, do not flip the fuck out. “When they say ‘two whole eggs’, they don’t mean two  _ whole _ eggs.”

Demo still looked confused.

“You’re supposed to- you’re supposed to crack them.” that made him look even more worried as he gave a vague motion.

“But cracked eggshell is gonna get everywhere, that ain’t fun to eat lass.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.” your voice wavered, and you barely had time to greet Soldier as he returned from his hunt for water, stepping aside to let him pour a little bit into the mixture. “You’re supposed to crack the egg and then throw the shell away. Why did you put in a whole egg.”

“You told us to follow the recipe to a tee, cadet!” Soldier interjected as he tuned in on the conversation, throwing an arm around Demoman’s shoulder with a certain flourish that made you think that Soldier had convinced him of the idea.

“Oh my  _ Laird _ .” Demo’s face darkened with a blush of embarrassment and he ducked away from Soldier’s grasp and back towards the bowl, trying to fix his mistakes. “I’m a moron.” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit. At the very least he could admit he was wrong. “It’s okay, happens to the best of us.” You jumped up on the counter, leaning back on your hands as Soldier looked between you and the bowl.

“Ma’am, permission to make the pie crust dough into form?” He asked, folding his arms behind his back and lifting his chin. You looked at him in confusion.

“It needs at least an hour to chill.”

“PFAH!” Soldier seemed offended at the statement, straightening his back “No true American takes any moment to  _ chill _ !” You nearly pointed out that pie crust was not the same as people, but decided to just let him do it. At the very least it would make him feel helpful.

“Okay, go ahead.”

His face filled with childlike glee as he scrambled to open the fridge and take out the barely cooled crust, plopping it down into the pie form and starting to mold it with a strange delicacy that you hadn’t expected him to possess. You watched him for a bit, entranced by the precise movement of his hands before noticing Demo watching you from the corner of his eye. You looked back at him inquisitively.

“I’m done ferreal this time, I ken.” he showed you the bowl with a healthy looking pumpkin goop. You nodded in appreciation, motioning to the already finished crust that Soldier finished shaping.

It all came together quite well, you thought to yourself with a satisfied huff as you placed the form into the oven, giving your fellow cooks an appreciative look.

“How long are we going to have to wait?” Soldier asked, deciding that he would abide by the rules of baking if it meant not getting salmonella.

“The recipe says an hour.” Demo replied, paging through the book with a serene interest you hadn’t expected.

“An  _ hour? _ ” You could tell Soldier wanted to complain about it, but for some divine reason he chose not to. Maybe he was getting tired. You patted him on the back comfortingly, managing a polite smile.

“You’ll be fine, Soldier.” You attempted to console him as he sulked “Just find something else to do in the meantime.”

“There’s a bunch of good soundin’ shite in ‘ere. Maybe I should cook more often.” Demo piped up suddenly.

“ _ Please _ don’t,” you spoke without thinking, before quickly trying to cover it as a joke “Unless you want to make baked eggs, I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

To your relief, Demo laughed, shaking his head and holding a hand over his chest “I promise, lass, for the time that I am in the kitchen I will never do that shite again.” you smiled and shook your head. 

“Good, be-”

KABOOM!

It was a sharp crack that stopped you mid-sentence, followed shortly by the sound of an explosion, the noise loudly echoing through the dining hall. The oven violently rattled with aftershock from the force the pie had emitted in its wake, covering the tinted glass with orange and brown sludge. Your heart sank.

“What the hell?!” Demo scrambled to his feet towards the oven, instantly turning it off. You followed a little slower, slightly shaking with shock and disbelief as you watched him throw open the door. Pumpkin covered nearly every inch of the oven’s insides, smouldering slightly as if it had been set aflame. You dropped to your knees, trying to look inside to see if something, anything had caused it.

But the oven seemed fine for the most part, covered in orange, sure, but there was no way that was the culprit. 

By then, the commotion seemed to have brought attention, as Engineer skidded into the kitchen with worry painted on his face. His eyes landed on the oven, then on you, and then a hard glare on the two other mercenaries.

“We did not put anything in it!” Soldier held up his hands. Demo shook his head, slowly raising up to look over the ingredients once more, as if there would be something off with those.

But apparently, there  _ was. _ He snatched up the water bottle Soldier had brought, unscrewing the cap and taking a short whiff. His face changed from disbelieving, to confused, to shock, and then to horror, and you could already guess that he’d found the issue.

“Bloody ‘ell Soldier, you brought the feckin’ Nitroglycerin!” Demo barked, looking between the oven and the bottle with pure misery. “No wonder the bloody thinking exploded.  _ Damn. _ ” he walked over to a chair, slowly sitting himself down as he stared at the bottle.

There was a long silence between all four of you, Engineer looking incredibly confused with what the hell was going on to begin with, but not daring to ask. You didn’t move an inch, just let out a defeated sigh and let your head drop.

“Well, what do we do now?” You finally asked, and Demo just shrugged. 

“I dunno, lass, but I’m goin’ to clear my head. Soldier, come on.” Soldier trudged behind him, having been oddly quiet the entire time. You just let them, throwing a distraught look at the mess you’d all left behind. You supposed doing some cleaning could help you calm down a little.

“..Well then.” Engineer’s voice reminded you that he was still there, and you quickly snapped your eyes on him. “That looked like it woulda been a fine pie.” you could tell he was trying to cheer you up, so in that regard you couldn’t blame him for the way your gut wrenched with disappointment.

“Yeah..” you slowly stood up, grabbing a towel from one of the racks. You knew he hadn’t left yet, but the more he stayed, the more the silence threatened to tip into uncomfortable.

“You know, there’s still enough pumpkin to make another.” he commented, slowly walking towards the sink and grabbing the bowl the filling had been mixed in, starting to wash it off.

“That’s true,” you paused, looking at the butchered pumpkin they’d shoved off to the side for the time being. In doing so, you caught his gaze, and he tipped his head to the side in a friendly manner.

“How about you try again, hm?” he placed the clean bowl beside him, rapping his fingers against the side of the counter rhythmically “I’ll help ya, an’ I promise not to put any chemicals that don’t belong. Whaddaya say?”

He held out his ungloved hand, and you looked at it, before looking at him.  _ He’s trying to cheer you up, _ you realized with a start, taking it and shaking it with a small smile. “Okay..” you paused, before looking him straight in the eyes “Do not put whole eggs, shell and all in. I swear.”

Engineer burst out into a wheezing laugh that you couldn’t help but laugh along to, your chest feeling a little lighter. He gave you a big grin, grabbing some of the leftover ingredients with a cheeky air. 

“No promises!”

Together, you’d both made an arguably better crust and filling. You were allowed to chill the dough this time as Engineer wasn’t of the opinion that Americans never chilled, and you waited with tense anticipation in front of the oven, hoping, praying, that it would not explode.

It didn’t, and you couldn’t fathom the joy you felt echoing in the depths of your heart as Engineer managed to take out a perfectly golden brown pie with a crisper crust than you could ever hope for. You could cry looking at it, you didn’t, but you could.

He left it out on a cooling rack for it to properly set, waving his hand dismissively as you tried to clean up the rest of the mess you’d made. “You’ve already done enough ‘o that, ma’am.” he pushed you away from the kitchen. “Let me handle it, you should go and have fun somewhere else.”

_ Something else _ .. You thought about what to kill time with at least until dinner as you walked through the hallways, your hands stuck into your pockets. You felt a bit lighter now, thinking about things to do. You know, you never did test your weapons out on a shooting range like you’d wanted to yet.. Maybe that was something to do? You weren’t sure where it would be, though, but you thought that maybe if you just looked outside like how you should’ve done when you were looking for the gym, you could find it easy.

Well, it wasn’t as easy to find as the gym was, but you were pretty close going that way. Even then, it took you around half an hour to find, and at this point you just hoped it was worth it.

It was a small range, a few tables set up with a sloppily thrown together parasol throwing shade over it. A few feet opposite that were some targets who’d seen better days, but you supposed it’d have to do for now.

There was a selection of weapons to choose from inside of a rickety shed beside the setup, and with a quick glance you could tell you that they didn’t have your specific model of SMG. Well, maybe it was good practice to try a new kind of rifle?

There was a particular gun that caught your eye. It looked like a sniper rifle in form, but much lighter than the one you’d seen Sniper carry around. A bit more compact, too, like it was designed for less damage but more precision. Curiously, you picked it up, giving it a once-over. 

You hadn’t been much for long distance fighting before, as it wasn’t really part of your department, but maybe having some more experience in a field you hadn’t tried yet would do you good in the long run. 

You took it to one of the fields, standing in front of a target curiously before just trying to aim. It felt incredibly awkward in your hands, and you weren’t sure if it was hands that were so shaky, or you. You held in your breath, aimed, then fired. The aftershock of the gun shot back against your shoulder and made you stumble backwards to catch the force. 

Unsurprisingly, you’d missed. There was a neat hole punctured a few feet beside where your target was, and you just had to tell yourself that you’d actually been aiming for the lane beside you. More carefully, you aimed again.

_ Miss. _

Okay, you were starting to think this was your own fault. You rubbed your now stinging shoulder painfully, glaring at the target as if it were the one to blame.  _ Right _ , don’t get mad. Maybe you were just overthinking it, maybe all you had to do was  _ relax. _

You set your shoulders straight, more carefully aiming it and making sure not a muscle in your body threatened to move. Carefully peering into the scope, you pulled the trigger and-

_ Again, _ you should’ve seen it coming and you were a fool for forgetting. The force of the gun rocketed it backwards, knocking painfully against your eye this time as you hissed and nearly smashed the gun onto the ground in retaliation. You had enough self-control not to, of course, but the annoyance you felt radiated on your face like a hot flame of a candle. 

“That rifle’s not for standin’ use, ya know?” an unexpectedly low voice startled you out of your thoughts and you turned towards Sniper, who looked straight at you then motioned towards the gun “And you’re holdin’ it wrong.” 

You adjusted the rifle in your grip, glancing down at it and feeling embarrassment take over the anger you felt in an instant, your face slowly reddening. “Right, makes sense. I don’t really know how sniper rifles work, so..”

He stayed silent, gaze flicking between you and your rifle over and over, before he just shrugged. “That’s a shame.” he seemed to want to say more, but apparently decided against it, just walking past you and taking place at a lane as far from you as possible, doing some practice of his own.

You watched him for a few moments, before deciding that you’d done enough with a gun for today. Besides, it was getting dark out, so you might as well leave before night came. With that excuse in mind, you wandered back to the shed, returned the rifle, then went back into the base.

Just in time as well, as the warm scent of something being nearly done cooking wafted from the dining hall. Curiously you peeked your head in, surprised that the person you found in the kitchen was Heavy.

The Russian waved at you with his spatula, regarding you with a small smile before turning back to his sizzling pans. “Lookout, could you set table please? Dinner will be done soon.” he spoke absent-mindedly, and you quietly agreed, doing so and greeting the mercenaries that slowly trickled in.

“Just can’t keep outta the kitchen can you, pumpkin?” Engineer asked, giving you a cheeky smile. You just raised your eyebrow.

“ _ Pumpkin? _ ”

“I’m pullin’ ya leg.” He laughed, crossing his arms and leaning back against the chair “But I think it rather fits, don’t it? You look like a fall kinda gal to me.”

You rolled your eyes dramatically, before shrugging. “ _ Sure,  _ Engie, whatever you want.” he grinned as if he just won a little personal victory.

You finished setting the table, taking a seat where you usually did as Heavy brought over a bowl of what appeared to be dumplings. You shot him a questioning glance, and he gave a small smile. “ _ Pelmeni, _ is Russian. But do not let Soldier know it comes from Europe, I have spent past half hour trying to convince him it is from America so he will eat.”

You managed to hold in your laugh, promising you wouldn’t.

Dinner continued as normal, sans Sniper and Scout, but you hadn’t expected Sniper anyway, Scout, however.. You were starting to get the feeling that he was avoiding you, and you weren’t the only one. 

“Is that boy still sulking?” Medic hissed under his breath, taking a piece of the pumpkin pie that had since been set on the table. 

“Ach, leave ‘im.” Demo sighed, before eyeing the pastry with a certain set of wonder “Did you make this after we left, Lookout? It looks much better than the old one, or well, what that one looked like before...” he trailed off, a look of guilt crossing his features for just a second.

“Not on my own, Engineer helped.” you replied with a small smile, taking a piece for yourself “And well.. Scout, I feel bad for him. I get why he would be mad.”

“It’s one thing to be mad,” Medic spoke with a tired voice, slowly shaking his head “But he’s not mad, he’s petty.” he took a bite of the pie, before accusingly pointing his fork at you “You are babying him, it isn’t good.”

You raised your hands innocently. “I’m just saying.” you paused, before sighing and looking away “I just feel like I should apologize in some way, I  _ just _ got here, I can’t make someone hate me already.” you barely kept your voice from trembling, keeping your stare trained on the wooden table.

Silence followed your words, and you couldn’t help but cringe. Damn, way to ruin the mood, huh? You just casually tried to shrug it off, looking up and taking a bite of pie, for a second letting all your worries wash away in how good that tasted. Jesus Christ, Engineer is one hell of a cook.

“Anyway,” you continued the second the effect wore off, forcing a happier look on your face as you kicked your feet “Least I could do is leave some pie for him, right? Because this is really good.” You were talking more than you were used to, desperate to get the discomfort in the air to dissipate. You looked at Engineer with a smile, and he returned it a little more carefully “Thanks for the help again, Engie.”

“Weren’t no thing.” he replied with a slightly more bashful look on his face, giving you a nod “Can tell you’re gettin’ tired now, though. How about you go to bed and we make sure some pie gets to the rascal, hm?” Now that he mentioned it, you realized how heavy you were starting to feel. 

You smiled a bit more genuinely. “Yeah, thanks.” With that, you excused yourself from the table, making your way back over to your room. Every step you took felt slower, and when you collapsed on your bed, you were nearly sure you would instantly knock out.

Before you did, though, you picked up the laminated photo you’d since kept permanently on your nightstand, looking at your old team illuminated by the warm light of your bedside lamp. 

You don’t know what drove you to do so, it was as if just holding it gave you some sense of comfort. And in a way, it did, and you took that as an opportunity to think of the past week in a more relaxed state of mind.

The mercenaries didn’t seem like bad people,  _ mostly _ . Everyone had their quirks, and you couldn’t help but recognize that they were a tight-knit family of a sort, one that you weren’t quite part of. 

_ Yet. _ You forced yourself to add. You could tell that they were slowly warming up to the idea of you, but not yet you. At least some were trying to do their best more than others, and the fact that there was an attempt to close that gap was more than enough to fill you with a little hope, to assure the tiny voice in your brain that you weren’t going to get hurt again.

_ But why,  _ it cried.

_ Why does it feel like something is about to go horribly wrong? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm.. next chapter might take just a bit longer to bring out as I'll be starting on the next route's first chapter first. And that will be the BLU Sniper! It kept being really close in votes, but rest assured, the RED Sniper and the rest of the team will get their chance to shine once BLU is finished, keep your eye out :-)
> 
> Also, this is my longest chapter to date! Help!


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